#17 Protective Orders

I don’t think I have explained the process one goes through to get a Protective order. After you have police reports or evidence that you feel that your life is in danger, you go to the Victims Advocates and tell them you want to file a PO. They make you fill out a bunch of paperwork describing the incident or incidents and if it’s serious enough they can have it temporarily issued immediately. Which mine were. Craig would be served the same day. Then they set a hearing date for 30 days out and you go to court and the judge decides if it needs to be granted as a permanent order, or if it can be dismissed.

Sept 18th 2002 was our hearing date and the judge ruled to keep the Protective Order in place. This is obviously because Craig continuously violated it. When he did violate it, he would either receive a phone call from the police to remind him to stay away, or they would arrest him. Depending on the severity. If he was arrested he was given another hearing date and had to go back to court regarding the violation. I did not have to be there for that, for obvious reasons.  

On Sept 19th I moved out of the Kaysville house as I couldn't afford to stay there. I moved into a week by week hotel and Craig moved back into the house. The boys stayed in the house as it was their home and the best thing for them at the time, but I took them as often as we could arrange. I looked for a house to buy. During this time Craig was still doing day trading on the stock markets, and massaging. I don’t know how he afforded to stay there and when you hear some of the audio tapes I have, you hear me questioning that. If you are a Patreon subscriber, you will be able to click on the audio links and hear these phone calls as soon as I get them up.

Here is a journal entry from 09/23/2002

Today Craig called me numerous times asking me to meet him at the courthouse to drop the protective order. I finally gave in as he doesn't take no for an answer and it’s exhausting to keep dealing with him. I kept giving him excuses why I couldn't, but I didn't want to start another fight. So he met me at the Victim's Advocates office at the Davis County courthouse. While we were sitting in the waiting area, Theresa (the one lady I had been working with)  told Craig he is not allowed anywhere near me and that he could get arrested for being there, so he left in a mad huff. Theresa and Jennifer asked me what was going on. I told them that he had promised me that he would leave me alone if I dropped the PO. I told them that every time I report to the police that he’s violating it, all they would do is call him and remind him to leave me alone. Then he would get very angry at me for threatening him again.  Theresa and Jennifer both strongly encouraged me not to drop it. I told them I was too scared to walk out of the building without dropping it. (How crazy is that?) I knew Craig would be furious and I would have to deal with it.  So we decided to let him think that I had filled out  the paperwork to dismiss it, and that it takes 7 to 10 days for the judge to sign it. They said they were not going to enter it into court because they could tell Craig was definitely still a threat to me, but that I should tell Craig I had done my part and now he needs to wait 7 to 10 days before he will know.

Of course he called me the moment I left (he must have been watching from somewhere) and I told him exactly what they had told me to tell him.. He asked me to go to a counseling session with him on Tuesday (the next day) and I told him I could not go anywhere with him until the PO is dismissed. He was angry, but agreed.

09/24/2002 THE NEXT DAY!

Craig called me at 8 am and asked me the names of the girls at the courthouse that I was working with. I told him I don’t remember, and asked why. He said he needed to talk to them. Then he called me again a few minutes later and said he needed to call them to tell them to keep the P.O in place and not to dismiss it. I told him they wouldn't do anything for him, that they were my advocates and only worked with me. He told me that I had better call them and have it reinstated. Of course I didn't have to make that call because it was not in the process of getting dismissed.

Craig called me again at 9:25am and said that he had spoken to an attorney and that no one can force me to have that P.O. I told him I had already made the call to cancel the dismissal. He was frustrated. I reminded him that he had told me to do it. He said we had better get an attorney and get it dropped. I told him he can’t keep messing with the courts like this. He started to threaten me that he would make me lose my job and my mortgage. I told him to quit threatening me. He said I am threatening him with the PO. I told him he would only get into trouble if he violates it. He says that's a threat. Either he has to obey the law or else they’ll be after him. He was very threatened by that.

He also told me this morning that he has to quit his job with Coventry mortgage and he will be bankrupt in a few months. I asked him why. He said because I would report him to the officials that he is a felon and shouldn't be working with mortgages. I have no interest in destroying his life. All I want is for him to leave me alone.I wish he could understand that.

I think he’s angry because I told him yesterday that I want a divorce. The company that I was licensed with before (the one I was working with when he stole my clients info)  won’t reinstate me unless I can show we are divorced. So now he’s saying he won’t give me the divorce because he doesn't want me to work with them ever again.

I don’t understand how he wakes up in these crazy moods. I can never figure him out from one day to the next. One day he seems normal, and the next he is flying off the handle. What do I do?

On this same day Craig received the summons for Violating the PO while I was at the Holiday Inn. I had reported it and also given them proof of all the times he called my phone that morning. This was his second violation. He was arrested by Layton PD. The INS were there too so he had to negotiate with them, and he was released after 2 hours.

I needed to get some personal things out of the Kaysville house but Craig outright refused to let me get anything, So I had to get a Police Stand Off (which means the cops stand there while you get your things)  to get personal belongings out of the house. They only allow you your basic items until the divorce settles who gets what. So I got a few clothes and my toiletries. That was it.

09/26/2002

Craig left me a message on my cell phone saying he will pay for me to get some tests done because he doesn't know who or what I have become and he has never harmed me and never will and he doesn't know what he has done to make me hate him so much.

I have a recording of this message.

I don’t have exact memories of all this, but I do have diaries and journal notes, which is why you are getting this in this piece by piece.The Victim's Advocates and the police had all told me to keep good notes of exact times and days and events concerning Craig so that when we went to court, I would have it. If I had not done this, I would not be able to write this much detail obviously.

09/27/2002

Craig was served a summons for violating the Protective order for Domestic Violence. (09/24 and 09/25) Case # 021701660

Here is the part that most won’t understand. I had figured out that Craig was FAR more dangerous, threatening and in my face when he had a P.O. than when he didn't. I am a white personality and all I ever want is PEACE. I can’t stand fighting, tension and threats. So I decided to drop the P.O and hopefully get Craig to calm down. I honestly believed the P.O did nothing for me. It didn't put a bullet proof wall around me and stop my phone connection between us. It was merely a piece of paper that made him SO much worse to be around. To me the P.O made my life hell.. I would love to say here that I have learned that having a P.O is a good idea, but unfortunately my case did not prove that. The P.O did nothing for me. This is my personal story, so I am not suggesting to anyone to take any advice from this. Hopefully in time I can prove that a protective order is useful.

09/30/2002 DROPPED PO

I filed a dismissal to the PO that had been enforced on 09/18.

I have a copy of the notes I wrote on the request to dismiss.

Eve’s notes why:: I have been visiting with our counselor and believe that Craig is no longer a threat to me. He is a great father to our boys and I would like to be able to have this resolved for their sake. We will continue visiting our counselor in order to be good parents. We also need to take care of our finances and joint property.

I honestly believed he would treat me better if I dropped it.

10/01/2002 INS visit. Craig went in for his regular INS visit. They said nothing about how many times he had gone to court over protective orders and violating them.

Their notes: Reported as ordered. Next report date is April 2003

By now I had purchased a home in Layton. It was a cute little house and I was so excited to have a home for my boys and a place I would feel safe. On 10/28/2002 I had ADT installed and had an alarm on every window and door and a panic button. I finally felt safe. Craig still wouldn't let me get anything out of the Kaysville house, so the kids and I had the bare minimum. We didn't care though. We had a home again.

I was working with Coldwell Banker and selling homes. I worked hard and supported the kids with every breath I had in me.

I sold our South Jordan house. Craig and I were in wars over our West Valley house though. We had 2 mortgages on it. He had agreed to pay on the first, and I had agreed to pay on the second.

In the next blog you will hear more about the events with the coffee trailer and the way he tried to use the West Valley house against me.

Thanks for your support always!! I am doing my best to keep up to date and get all of this out of me. My dining room table looks like a conference table with piles of sorted notes, journals, binders and envelopes. It’s all coming your way!!

Remember to keep love in your hearts.

# 16 The end of Rise 'n Shine

By now our lives were a complete mess and I was living day to day wondering what to do. Craig forced me to go with him to his attorney and “confess to lying” about the broken window on my car incident. I went with him to his attorney, and then completely fumbled and couldn’t figure out how to lie about the truth and the attorney WAS AWESOME! He knew EXACTLY what was going on and even though he was Craig's attorney, he gave me the benefit of the doubt and led Craig to believe I had done what he wanted me to do. He knew I was being forced to be there against my will that day, and knew that Craig had indeed smashed my car window out of rage when I tried to drive away from him.

Another person I have to thank is my landlord for rmy coffee shop at the time. He owned Ruth's Diner, up Parleys Canyon, and a lot of other hotels in Layton and Salt Lake. He gave me free rooms anytime I needed them. He could tell Craig was on a rampage and my landlord put some code into all his hotels that would grant me a free room whenever I showed up. I can’t thank him enough because that alone gave me a safe place to be on nights I knew it wasn’t safe to go home.

One night while I had a protective order in place, Craig had come at me like a raging bull about something, so I called 911 and they arrested him. I still didn’t feel safe going home so I went and checked into the local hotel close by to get some rest. At around 10:30pm I received a phone call from a dispatcher saying that Craig had been released. The Bishop in our ward had paid his bail and Craig was free. I couldn’t believe it. I just could not believe it. I don't think I slept one wink that night.

The next morning I got up and opened the curtains, my room overlooked the parking lot, and there, parked right next to my car, was Craig's car. He had figured out where I was, and he was mad that I had got him arrested. I sat in that hotel room waiting for him to leave. He called me over and over and over on my cell phone. Finally I hooked up the little tape recorder that the police had given me, and I answered his call. Those phone calls got him arrested again later that day.

 Our protective order allowed us phone calls to discuss the children, pick up and drop off, and any legal business due to the shop closing down. Craig could not keep to those restrictions. He was always angry, yelling and very threatening. Placing a protective order on Craig made my life much worse, and in my opinion, much more dangerous. You will see this in in the journal entries I am going to be putting up here over the next few posts.

The Victim's Advocates had told me to keep a backpack in the trunk of my car with immediate supplies and a change of clothes for the days that I didn’t feel safe to go home. That was a HUGE help. I could check into a hotel with my backpack of supplies and would have what I needed.

One day during one of our arguments, I realized that Craig knew far too much about my day to day life. I realized he knew who I was talking to and in contact with, which meant he had access to my cell phone records. I went into my local Sprint office and they told me that Craig had come in and demanded a copy of my phone records. Now I had previously told them that NO ONE was allowed to get those records. I had a password on there that I will tell you all now because obviously it has changed, but my password was MY PERSONAL. This was because Craig would often come up with a reason for me to call Sprint and because of the password protection on the account they would ask me for it. I didn’t want Craig to know my password, so by using MY PERSONAL, I had hoped that to Craig it would sound like they were asking me if it was my business or personal account. To this day I think that was smart because it really did sound like I was answering a simple question when I was actually giving my password. Anyway, apparently one day Craig went into Sprint, and demanded that he get copies of all my records. The idiot working there told Craig he was not allowed to disclose that information but told Craig he could stand behind his desk and look at the info over his shoulder on his screen. I wish I had the energy, money and power to sue all the people that helped Craig destroy my life.

Then my business bank account. I had a business bank account at Barclays Bank in Kaysville. My name was the only name on the business account. One day I went to pay out payroll and discovered I had a ZERO balance in my account. My blood went cold, my blood pressure went high. I knew EXACTLY what had happened. They were literally across the street from my coffee shop, so  I walked over there and calmly asked where all my money was. They looked at the records, called the manager over and said that Craig had come in that morning and withdrawn the entire balance. I calmly asked if Craig was a “signatore” on my account (spell check doesn’t like that word, but it means having signing power on a bank account). Knowing full well he did not have any power on my account. They confirmed he was not on the account. The manager said he had been the one to actually give Craig the funds because he “seemed like such a nice, honest guy”. I told them to immediately put those funds back into my account. I withdrew every dime and closed the account, and told the manager he had better pray that I don’t sue him and the bank.

My landlord, as I have mentioned, was an incredible man. He had figured out what was going on and he could see the battle I was fighting. He came to me and made me an offer. He would let me out of the 5 year lease I had signed, and in return I could give him some of my commercial equipment. As I mentioned, he owned a few restaurants and hotels, so commercial equipment was worth something to him. He got my stand up double door freezer, fridge, soft serve ice cream maker, my awesome espresso machines and grinders and a lot of other equipment that was all worth thousands of dollars. This was a very difficult decision to make because not only did I LOVE my cafe, I knew that my son Wil, and my Aunt and Uncle, and mother in law, all had put so much unpaid work into it. It had huge potential. We made home made South African foods, incredible coffee and our service was perfect. It was a huge chapter in our lives that I did not want to close at all.

Now one of the things we had also included in the business was a coffee trailer. This was a drive through coffee trailer that was 100% self sufficient with generators, good water, old water containers, fridges and freezers. We built this trailor from scratch. I have photographs of this trailer as we worked on it and built it, but of course they are literal paper photos and I need to get them scanned into here.  BUT WILL DO IT!!

We set this trailer up outside the IRS building in Ogden and it did very well. So even after I closed the Kaysville location, we still had the trailer running. Craig would run it most of the time as by now I was a Realtor, but when he couldn't be there, I was. There is a whole episode on what happened with this trailer, but I have that all in journal entries coming out soon.

On September 2, 2002 I officially closed the Rise n’ Shine cafe, and we just kept the trailer running for a few more months.

That's it for tonight. Thank you all for following along, we are close to 11,000 views!!


Thanks again for all your support, until next time, Keep love in your hearts!!