#9 Craig in INS prison

#9

Today, and over the last few days, I have been going through some extremely personal issues that are taking up a lot of my mind space and therefore my blog will not be long tonight, but I will continue it tomorrow with a part 2. I know I owe you a Wednesday update, so here I am at 10:30pm, finally able to sit down and update this. I apologize upfront if it’s not all it can be, but my stress is outweighing my thinking powers. Sometimes that happens, right?

So back to January 2001. On the 18th I packed the boys up in a rental van and we drove out to Denver for Craig’s hearing. On the 19th at the hearing, the judge set his trial date to Feb 2nd. The boys and I got one minute to hug Craig in person, and then we were sent to a room where we had to speak over a phone and through a thick piece of glass. Craig was very emotional and could barely hold it together. We got to spend an hour or so talking to him and then our time was up and we were out.

We drove home on the Sunday. I think I got a speeding ticket to boot, in the middle of absolute nowhere. I didn’t even know there was Highway patrol out there, but yes….there most certainly was.

Once we got home my job was cut out for me. Craigs attorney, Hakeem, had instructed me that I need as many affidavits as possible on Craig's character. I had to find every person in the world that knew Craig and get them to write an affidavit on Craig’s character (the good side). His goal was to convince the judge on Feb 2nd that Craig is a good, family man and doesn’t deserve to be deported back to South Africa.

So first thing Monday I started contacting his whole family, my family, all his friends, clients, you name it. I contacted them and asked them to write an affidavit. I then had to collect all these affidavits and get them over to Hakeems office. But first I had to copy them and mail the copies to Craig because he wanted to make sure I was getting them. In my planner I have 16 names of people I personally met with and received their letters. Tuesday the 23rd was the busiest day so far. So many phone calls, so much pleading and explaining. It wasn’t a simple question. Every call came with at least a 20 minute interrogation. Exhausting!

Here are some journal notes from that day.

01-24-2001

JOURNAL NOTES

I am feeling very frustrated. I am overwhelmed by how much I have to do. I spend ALL DAY LONG on the phone to people trying to get everything organized for Craig and he is accusing me of PARTYING too much!! By the time I got home last night my cell phone battery was almost dead because I had been on the phone the ENTIRE day speaking to Dave, Glen, Liz, Hakeem, Craig a few times. He has made friends with one of the officers who lets him use their desk phone so that he can call me on my cell phone. (Yup, he's that good.). I get to bed late and my mind starts to play tricks on me. It gets so quiet and I start thinking and cannot fall asleep.

I get up around 4:30 am mentally and physically exhausted. The last 5 weeks have been nothing but concentrating on getting Craig home. I am working a full time job, I am running a 7 bedroom house with 4 boys and a bunch of animals, including snakes, rats, cats, guinea pigs etc, paying all the bills on time and keeping up with Craig’s case, faxing and phone calls. I am exhausted!! Why does he get so mad when I go out for a small break for an hour with Sunnee after work??

I don’t even know why I let this get to me. Obviously it’s OK if I want to go out and spend time with family or friends. I wonder what Liz would say if he asked her? If she tells him something he tends to believe it, so maybe he should ask her!

Every time he gets mad at me I automatically assume I am wrong and I feel all sorts of guilt. I need to learn that sometimes it could be possible that HE is overreacting and wrong in his assumptions. I could have been going on dates at absolutely no risk of being caught, but I don’t! I go out with family, so that Craig doesn’t have to worry….but apparently he doesn’t believe me.

I just received an email from Hakeem. He tells me not to make “elaborate” plans for this trip because the judge might not be able to see us all on the 2nd of Feb, so we might have to go back on another date to finish. I have to get Craig’s parents, Mom, myself and the 4 boys to Denver, 600 miles away, again, for a hearing, and they may not be able to talk to us at all?!

I think I am going to throw up! I want to be placed in a room with a punching bag and left to scream and fight for hours!

I need to get affidavits from Glen, Dave, Dee, Scott, Bruce, Liz and Charles still. I also need to get reports on South Africa to prove he would be in danger if he went back there because of the army unit he served in. It’s a good thing I have all this other crap on my mind, I think it helps distract me.

Thursday the 25th I got everything over to Hakeems office and copies overnighted to Craig again.

I had decided to have my sister and a few friends over for dinner on Saturday night, play some cards and have a good time, have a break from all the stress. The big mistake was mentioning this to Craig, but I knew he would call me a couple times during the evening and find out anyway, so it’s better to be honest and tell him upfront. Nope, wrong again.

Here are my journal notes from the 26th of Jan

01-26-2001

JOURNAL NOTES

Well, another BIG fight last night. I think we are both in so much pain and at our wits end.

He doesn’t want me to have the dinner party on Saturday night that I have invited a few friends over for. He is worried I am going to be unfaithful to him. I wish I knew what to do. I can cancel dinner, but I don’t understand why he doesn’t trust me. I HAVE NEVER CHEATED ON HIM. HE HAS CHEATED ON ME TWICE (THAT I KNOW OF). Where does he get the audacity to mistrust me??

I have such a headache. I cried all night. My eyes are swollen. This doesn’t feel like love. I feel threatened. He told me if I have this party on Saturday night that he will call Bruce and tell him not to give me any more money. (Note the control here? He was threatening to take away my source of support if I had my friends over for dinner)

He is being very emotional. He is in a lot of pain. He can’t possibly mean that? Then he called back and said that if I can convince him that nothing sexual will happen, that I could go through with the dinner plans!!??!!   How do I convince him otherwise of something he has already made up in his mind to be a fact? I know the dinner will be straight up clean fun, obviously!! but I want him to TRUST me! Why do I have to “convince” him? How many times have I had to hold onto my broken heart and step back and trust him? Why don’t I get the chance to do the same? I am so confused. He said I must imagine him divorcing me and taking the 2 little boys to South Africa. He told me to feel that pain and then multiply it by 100 to understand the pain he is in. So I did. And I cried all night. But the small insignificant difference is that I had to get up at 4:30 am and go to work. He gets to sleep in his cell all day long and doesn’t have to face anyone. Why does he want me to feel the way he does? I have to work, and be happy for the kids and make them dinner and run our lives.

Craig would call me numerous times a day. I had to answer the phone or answer to where I was while I was “not caring and thinking about him”. Sometimes I would go over to my friends house next door and take the portable house phone because the service reached.  When Craig found out where I was he would get very mad with me. He said I didn’t care about him and wasn’t missing him if I was at the neighbor's house. I cannot explain the anger and the fighting that caused.

Craig's case was coming up in court and I had to finalize all the testimonials and affidavits from his family and friends about what an upstanding citizen Craig was. His attorney called me daily and instructed me on what I needed to get. And I did. I didn’t have the courage to be the person to put a halt to his freedom. I had to go along with the plan of getting him released, even though deep down I knew it was better if he didn’t come back.

Tomorrow I will post again! I am sorry it is so late tonight, it has been a heck of a week for me and every fiber of my being is in turmoil.

The good news is, I am going to be turning this into an ebook one day and it will have at least twice the detail in it!! I am working it out and learning what to do, but it will happen. I want to help others and I want to release this from my heart.

Thank you all for your support!! We have almost reached 5000 views!!!! Keep sharing please!

Keep love in your heart always

xoxoxo