Last weekend I was moving a lot of my stuff from my Dad’s storage and I came across a bag of audio tapes. I had totally forgotten about all these other tapes. They all had dates written on them in Craig's handwriting. So I popped them into the tape player and tried to listen to them. After the second tape I was having a severe PTSD episode.
The first tape was recorded when Craig lost his temper with me for not bringing in enough money. It was a Sunday night and I was in my office and making calls to setup up my week. He came into my office and lost it, and started kicking my desk. He kicked it as hard as he could. 3 or 4 times, completely smashing it. I was sobbing so hard I could barely breathe. I don’t remember where the tape recorder was, but this is all on tape. I tried to explain to him that in that type of business you have to keep accepting rejection and be grateful to get one appointment out of ten phone calls. He wanted 100% success ratio. He didn’t understand how hard it was to call people on a Sunday night and get told no, over and over and over again. But I was doing what I had been coached to do. Successful millionaires were my coaches and I was following their lead to the T. But Craig figured he knew more, or better and was extremely critical of my work. That was a terrible fight.
Those of you who have followed my blog from the beginning, know that Craig ended up stealing some of my clients identities and ruined their lives, along with my business. I still don’t understand why he would have done such a terrible thing. He insisted on me working and bringing in half the income, but then he destroyed my business. On the tape I tell him that I do all the housework, laundry, cleaning and homework and take care of the children AND on top of that he wanted me to bring in half the income. He also had a big fear that if he made more money that I would go to lunch with my Mom and sister and spend all of his money. Sounds ridiculous, but he literally stated it a couple times on the tape. This fight was in about 1999. I told him clearly that I wanted a divorce. He made me feel so bad about myself. He destroyed my self esteem and on tape you hear him calling me stupid, thick, and ignorant a few times, along with some other horrible names. I think back and maybe the reason he destroyed my business was because I told him that night, a couple times, that I wanted a divorce and that I would rather take care of myself than have to live with him controlling my life and making me feel so bad about myself. So maybe he figured if he took my business away I wouldn’t be able to take care of myself.
On this particular tape you hear my little son, Rocco, come in to ask a question. He was waiting for me to take him to the store (as we had previously arranged). So you hear him come in and ask when we are going to the store. My response was Daddy would take them in a few minutes (I had been crying too much and couldn’t go out like that). So Rocco asks “In a few minutes? How much?” Then Craig says “Rocco go away”. Breaks my heart.
This is the part that hurts me so much about listening to these tapes! It is not so much what I went through, but what the boys went through. Craig had been such a loving father and husband, the boys adored him, and then something snapped and it all changed.
I am currently working on that audio to get it onto Patreon for my subscribers, so if you want to hear any of these tapes, please help me out with a small donation every month by subscribing to the Patreon.com/evespath website. Thank you!
I feel I could write a book on depression and grief, another on being married to a narcissistic psychopath, and another one about living alone while trying to go through the toughest struggles I've ever endured.
Tonights post is short. Others are long. I appreciate your support as always! We are up to 34,700 views but still need more likes, shares and FOLLOWERS. I will keep writing and posting. Thank you for helping me share my story.
As always, keep love in your hearts and don’t let anyone ever tell you that you are less than they are. We are all children of God, and we all started out exactly the same way. No one has the right to beat you down and make you lose your self esteem. NO ONE! Not a parent, not a spouse, not a friend, not a child, and not a stranger. Stay strong!!! The world needs more strong people in it. Lots of love XOXOX
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