# 41 Visitation

09/12/2017

So I did it. I went to see him. I won't lie, I was very nervous. I knew the control he has had on me in the past, and I knew how easily he could make me squirm (to say the least).

Let me take you back to the earlier years of visitation.

When Craig was first arrested, I told you how hard it hit the news. It was on every TV and news station, every hour, for days...and then spread to weeks, and then would still pop up if anything happened in court, months and years later,

I tried to protect my sons with everything I had in me. I kept the TV off, I tried not to take phone calls while they were around (which was almost impossible), and I certainly would not discuss him with anyone if my kids were within earshot. This was my goal. I did not want them to know what their Dad was being accused of, let alone being charged and found guilty of doing! Craig and I had two sons together, they were 7 and 10 years old when he was arrested. I also had two sons from a previous marriage whom Craig loved and treated as his own. They were 2 and 4 years old when we were married, so Craig had a big part in raising them. When Craig was arrested they were 14 and 16 years old.

Immediately after Craig was arrested he started asking me to bring the boys to see him. Every letter he begged. He was writing to me 3 to 4 times a week, begging me to bring the boys to visit him.

I didn't know what to do!! There was no book out there that covered my situation. I even googled it, but back then information was scarce. Do I take them to see their Dad who is in jail/prison on charges of murder? Or do I let them think their Dad was abducted by the government? I had sleepless nights and huge anxiety over this decision. At this point he had not even gone to court yet, but he was facing aggravated murder charges, in the first degree, which in Utah gives you the death penalty. What would you do?

Dr. Laura Schlessinger had been tuned into my car radio station for years. She has written many books and gives advice on marital and family issues, and Craig and I would often refer to her when we were in disagreement over something.  So in July and August of 2003, if I was in my car, I was either listening to Dr Laura, or I was hearing the news about the local plumber who had been murdered (by my husband, Craig). And he was demanding to see the kids. So I called in to Dr. Laura’s show. They put me through immediately.

Her advice was strong, not wavering and very professional. She said to me that in no uncertain terms should I ever take the boys to see Craig. She said he had "torn up his parent card" and that I had to turn my back and move forward with my children.

But in my gut I still didn't know what the right thing to do was. Everyone around me was giving me advice. How they all knew how to handle it still baffles me, because to this day, no one I know personally has ever had to make this kind of decision in their lives. But I REALLY appreciated all my friends and the people who were trying, with best intentions, to help me get through this crazy experience.

To be continued…..this was part one. I will get part two up within the next few days. The visitation chapter is almost a book on it’s own, so I will try to give it the space it needs.

Thanks again for all your support!! I am amazed and very appreciative of all the feedback and support I have received.

Always listen to your gut!! No matter the day or the severity of the situation…..listen to it!!

Love you all,

Eve