My fat picture

Here is picture for you.
This one was taken between 1993 and 1996.

My fat self. We have tried to figure out what year this was, but I believe it may have been before Rich was born so before 1996. That is Craig next to me. He was heavy too, but not obese like I was....neither of us was healthy.
I look like a balloon that is about to explode!! I think I was around 205 lbs at this point. I got to 240 lbs before they did surgery.

Well that's all for tonight. Lots more to come on Sunday!

#9 Craig in INS prison

#9

Today, and over the last few days, I have been going through some extremely personal issues that are taking up a lot of my mind space and therefore my blog will not be long tonight, but I will continue it tomorrow with a part 2. I know I owe you a Wednesday update, so here I am at 10:30pm, finally able to sit down and update this. I apologize upfront if it’s not all it can be, but my stress is outweighing my thinking powers. Sometimes that happens, right?

So back to January 2001. On the 18th I packed the boys up in a rental van and we drove out to Denver for Craig’s hearing. On the 19th at the hearing, the judge set his trial date to Feb 2nd. The boys and I got one minute to hug Craig in person, and then we were sent to a room where we had to speak over a phone and through a thick piece of glass. Craig was very emotional and could barely hold it together. We got to spend an hour or so talking to him and then our time was up and we were out.

We drove home on the Sunday. I think I got a speeding ticket to boot, in the middle of absolute nowhere. I didn’t even know there was Highway patrol out there, but yes….there most certainly was.

Once we got home my job was cut out for me. Craigs attorney, Hakeem, had instructed me that I need as many affidavits as possible on Craig's character. I had to find every person in the world that knew Craig and get them to write an affidavit on Craig’s character (the good side). His goal was to convince the judge on Feb 2nd that Craig is a good, family man and doesn’t deserve to be deported back to South Africa.

So first thing Monday I started contacting his whole family, my family, all his friends, clients, you name it. I contacted them and asked them to write an affidavit. I then had to collect all these affidavits and get them over to Hakeems office. But first I had to copy them and mail the copies to Craig because he wanted to make sure I was getting them. In my planner I have 16 names of people I personally met with and received their letters. Tuesday the 23rd was the busiest day so far. So many phone calls, so much pleading and explaining. It wasn’t a simple question. Every call came with at least a 20 minute interrogation. Exhausting!

Here are some journal notes from that day.

01-24-2001

JOURNAL NOTES

I am feeling very frustrated. I am overwhelmed by how much I have to do. I spend ALL DAY LONG on the phone to people trying to get everything organized for Craig and he is accusing me of PARTYING too much!! By the time I got home last night my cell phone battery was almost dead because I had been on the phone the ENTIRE day speaking to Dave, Glen, Liz, Hakeem, Craig a few times. He has made friends with one of the officers who lets him use their desk phone so that he can call me on my cell phone. (Yup, he's that good.). I get to bed late and my mind starts to play tricks on me. It gets so quiet and I start thinking and cannot fall asleep.

I get up around 4:30 am mentally and physically exhausted. The last 5 weeks have been nothing but concentrating on getting Craig home. I am working a full time job, I am running a 7 bedroom house with 4 boys and a bunch of animals, including snakes, rats, cats, guinea pigs etc, paying all the bills on time and keeping up with Craig’s case, faxing and phone calls. I am exhausted!! Why does he get so mad when I go out for a small break for an hour with Sunnee after work??

I don’t even know why I let this get to me. Obviously it’s OK if I want to go out and spend time with family or friends. I wonder what Liz would say if he asked her? If she tells him something he tends to believe it, so maybe he should ask her!

Every time he gets mad at me I automatically assume I am wrong and I feel all sorts of guilt. I need to learn that sometimes it could be possible that HE is overreacting and wrong in his assumptions. I could have been going on dates at absolutely no risk of being caught, but I don’t! I go out with family, so that Craig doesn’t have to worry….but apparently he doesn’t believe me.

I just received an email from Hakeem. He tells me not to make “elaborate” plans for this trip because the judge might not be able to see us all on the 2nd of Feb, so we might have to go back on another date to finish. I have to get Craig’s parents, Mom, myself and the 4 boys to Denver, 600 miles away, again, for a hearing, and they may not be able to talk to us at all?!

I think I am going to throw up! I want to be placed in a room with a punching bag and left to scream and fight for hours!

I need to get affidavits from Glen, Dave, Dee, Scott, Bruce, Liz and Charles still. I also need to get reports on South Africa to prove he would be in danger if he went back there because of the army unit he served in. It’s a good thing I have all this other crap on my mind, I think it helps distract me.

Thursday the 25th I got everything over to Hakeems office and copies overnighted to Craig again.

I had decided to have my sister and a few friends over for dinner on Saturday night, play some cards and have a good time, have a break from all the stress. The big mistake was mentioning this to Craig, but I knew he would call me a couple times during the evening and find out anyway, so it’s better to be honest and tell him upfront. Nope, wrong again.

Here are my journal notes from the 26th of Jan

01-26-2001

JOURNAL NOTES

Well, another BIG fight last night. I think we are both in so much pain and at our wits end.

He doesn’t want me to have the dinner party on Saturday night that I have invited a few friends over for. He is worried I am going to be unfaithful to him. I wish I knew what to do. I can cancel dinner, but I don’t understand why he doesn’t trust me. I HAVE NEVER CHEATED ON HIM. HE HAS CHEATED ON ME TWICE (THAT I KNOW OF). Where does he get the audacity to mistrust me??

I have such a headache. I cried all night. My eyes are swollen. This doesn’t feel like love. I feel threatened. He told me if I have this party on Saturday night that he will call Bruce and tell him not to give me any more money. (Note the control here? He was threatening to take away my source of support if I had my friends over for dinner)

He is being very emotional. He is in a lot of pain. He can’t possibly mean that? Then he called back and said that if I can convince him that nothing sexual will happen, that I could go through with the dinner plans!!??!!   How do I convince him otherwise of something he has already made up in his mind to be a fact? I know the dinner will be straight up clean fun, obviously!! but I want him to TRUST me! Why do I have to “convince” him? How many times have I had to hold onto my broken heart and step back and trust him? Why don’t I get the chance to do the same? I am so confused. He said I must imagine him divorcing me and taking the 2 little boys to South Africa. He told me to feel that pain and then multiply it by 100 to understand the pain he is in. So I did. And I cried all night. But the small insignificant difference is that I had to get up at 4:30 am and go to work. He gets to sleep in his cell all day long and doesn’t have to face anyone. Why does he want me to feel the way he does? I have to work, and be happy for the kids and make them dinner and run our lives.

Craig would call me numerous times a day. I had to answer the phone or answer to where I was while I was “not caring and thinking about him”. Sometimes I would go over to my friends house next door and take the portable house phone because the service reached.  When Craig found out where I was he would get very mad with me. He said I didn’t care about him and wasn’t missing him if I was at the neighbor's house. I cannot explain the anger and the fighting that caused.

Craig's case was coming up in court and I had to finalize all the testimonials and affidavits from his family and friends about what an upstanding citizen Craig was. His attorney called me daily and instructed me on what I needed to get. And I did. I didn’t have the courage to be the person to put a halt to his freedom. I had to go along with the plan of getting him released, even though deep down I knew it was better if he didn’t come back.

Tomorrow I will post again! I am sorry it is so late tonight, it has been a heck of a week for me and every fiber of my being is in turmoil.

The good news is, I am going to be turning this into an ebook one day and it will have at least twice the detail in it!! I am working it out and learning what to do, but it will happen. I want to help others and I want to release this from my heart.

Thank you all for your support!! We have almost reached 5000 views!!!! Keep sharing please!

Keep love in your heart always

xoxoxo

#8 Journal entries from 2001

BLOG #8

At this point I need to introduce an incredible man who put so much trust and faith into Craig, and me, and unfortunately he passed away very unexpectedly in 2005. His name was Bruce. Bruce was a massage client of Craigs and he was a very, very generous man. When the average person paid $50 for a massage (back in 2001), Bruce would pay Craig $110. Every week. So when Craig was arrested by the INS, guess who was the first person at my door with a check? I was so grateful for this man and was surprised at how generous he was, even though Craig was in jail! I am sure Bruce had seen the news about Craig being arrested for the identity theft so all I can think is that Craig managed to convince Bruce there was a mix up and he was innocent. I have no idea why he put so much into us. He really believed in Craig. (Craig was the best manipulator though, and unfortunately I believe Craig saw a man with deep pockets and so he put on the biggest charm with him to be able to get anything he wanted.)

Bruce continued to support me for months, in fact the entire 6 months Craig was gone. I stayed working at Fidelity full time, but the house payment alone was $2K a month. We were in a 7 bedroom home and there was no way I could do that on my salary. Bruce literally rescued me.

We had no idea if Craig was ever coming home. In fact, it looked like he was not. Strangely enough, some days I missed him. I missed having someone to fall back on, someone to hug me and tell me it would be ok, someone to love me. Even though I had been through hell with him, when he was not around, sometimes I would forget the hard times.

I have typed up journal entries. They are italicized. Did I spell that correctly? Spell check is not jumping on that….weird. Anyway, so the following 6 months were a very intense mix of emotions. As I mentioned, he was taken right before Christmas which I would not have ever wished on my children. Ever. They kept asking me when Daddy was coming home, and I couldn’t answer them. They noticed my stress, and I had no answers.

Craig did have access to a phone and would call me, collect, 3 or 4 or 5 times a day. He could reach it from his cell and so there was no certain time to expect his call, it was anytime. This became a problem because he could only call us on a landline, not a cell phone, and if I wasn't home exactly when he expected me to be, I was in trouble. A lot of trouble. It meant I didn’t love him and didn’t want to speak to him.

Journal notes

12-20-2000

I shake all the time. I can’t control it. Craig thinks it's because I drink too much coffee, but I think it’s because I’m petrified. I am so scared. When will Craig come home?

I feel like I need anti depressants. Liz keeps offering me all sorts of things. I might try the zoloft but I’m scared to. I do know I need to do something. I am so tight. When I yawn, instead of releasing air out and relaxing, I just get more tense and my stomach tightens up. This was all so sudden. I didn’t expect Craig to be gone right before Christmas….what do I tell the boys?

Nights and evenings are so hard. I hate walking around the house because I keep expecting to walk into him. I don’t want to do laundry - it’s like he was killed in an accident. I can still smell him on his clothes.

01-02-2001

I’ve been taking zoloft for a few days. I think it’s helping because I’m not shaking as much. I’m not as tense inside, but it’s making me very tired at work.

Craig is sounding very depressed. I can’t imagine the pain he is going through. To be pulled away from your family, your life, your future! And then to be put into such a controlled environment. I hope he figures out a way to cope. It doesn’t sound like he is doing very well.

He didn’t phone me the other night. I was thinking they had let him out and maybe he was on his way home to surprise us. But then he called.

This seems very real this time. I keep thinking there will be a way for him to come home. I can’t believe how long they’re going to keep him without any hearing. And why did they have to take him right before Christmas?

When we talk on the phone he is so distraught that I put on a strong front for him. I try to give him strength. I don’t want him to worry about me because he is in so much pain, he has so much loss. I don’t want to increase that.

Sometimes he gets strong and then I break down. He starts sounding confident that everything is going to work out, then I collapse. It’s like testing a shaky floor. It it feels weak, I tread carefully. But the moment I feel it’s strength, I get all weak and want to drop and be held and told it’s going to be ok. There are not many moments that he is the strong one, it’s usually me who has to be the strong one, supporting him and telling him it’s going to be ok. Then we hang up and I go to my bedroom and sob. Everyone is being supportive and offering help, but I want people to think I am strong and I can handle it and not to worry about me.

But then on the inside I am so scared. I am lonely and I need strength. Anyone can stand behind a wall during a hurricane or tornado and say “Bring it on”. But what happens when there is no wall? Who is my wall? Is it Craig? I am so confused about who I should be afraid of and who I think can protect me. How can my husband be the one I am afraid of, and at the same time need him for strength?

I have to smile and be brave all day long, at work and at home. I have to show the kids that we are strong and going to be ok. Inside, I feel like I’m crumbling into pieces.

Dr Dave left some strong sleeping pills for me. I want to take them, go to bed and wake up after this is all over. But I want the kids to know their mom is strong. They need a strong foundation and I am all they have. One day I want them to look back at this and say “Mom was so brave”. When they have trials and tribulations they need to be strong! If I buckle….what am I teaching them??

It is so hard to come home and face them with confidence. I feel like I am lying to them. I try to keep very busy so that I don’t have to think. Doug says I play too much Solitaire on the computer. If only he knew how close I am to losing my mind.

Note: Craig was set to have a hearing on January 3rd, but it was postponed.

01-03-2001

What the hell? The judge gets sick so they postpone the hearing?? I feel sick. I am going to throw up. I can’t take this anymore.

01-07-2001

I hate Sundays. I can’t believe they denied him bond. I don’t understand it. This house is so quiet. I need to get out. Everyone keeps calling me to find out what’s going on. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I am so talked out. I don’t have all the answers, in fact, I don’t have ANY of them.

I really appreciate all the offers of support though. It’s just so hard to keep explaining everything over and over and being asked so many questions.

Craig and I had an argument on the phone, then Dave called me and I was still crying so he asked me what had happened, what the fight was about…..and I couldn’t remember. I’m losing my mind.

I try not to think. I try to be very shallow in my thoughts. I don’t want to hurt too much so I refuse to dwell in it. I won’t give in to misery. I will stay strong.

01-16-2001

Craig and I had a big argument last night on the phone. He wanted to know why I hadn’t phoned Dad (my dad) and asked him to write up a business plan for me to go into a partnership with Liz in the vitamin business. I tried to explain to him that the reason I hadn’t is because Dad will ask me questions that I don’t have the answers to! Craig forgets that I wasn’t present during all the conversations he has had with Liz. I wasn’t there when they were exploring this whole venture. Now he calls me from jail and tells me to call my Dad and get the plan written up! What if Dad asks me who the market is that we’re targeting, the volumes, the sales, where it stands now, who the plan is for etc etc etc.

(Side note…...Liz had a lot of money and I think he saw opportunity with her too. He always found the wealthy people and became best friends with them.)

Craig is really mad at me which I hate. He was so worried about the way I might have spoken to Liz. I have NEVER been rude to her, except when I found out she was leaving love messages for my husband on his voicemail! I had every right to be upset about that. But since then I have tried very hard (for peace sake) to be nice to her.

But when I was talking to Craig, as my husband and confidante, I expressed my concerns….and all he could think of was how badly he THOUGHT I MIGHT have treated Liz!! Why the hell does he always protect her???? I come 2nd place. If she and I were to get into a dispute, guess who’s side he will take?? That hurts me a lot. He started swearing at me, so I hung up on him. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Even from jail he could reach out and hurt me! Why do I keep allowing him to involve her in our lives? I am the enabler. I allow it. I should put my foot down and say no more.

(Note: At this point he had not tried again to bring her into our bedroom. This was still business)

But then he gets so sweet, and loving and showers me with affection and adoration. And I melt into a stupid puddle with no brain! I believe every word he says about how much he loves me and I am the only one for him and we’re best friends, and he has made sure Bruce will take care of us so that I won’t have any financial worries. And I love that. I want security and in a weird, deranged way, I think he is taking care of me. I want him to be happy. He deserves so much after all he has been through. I try to give him what he wants (Liz), but it hurts me so much. The pain gets into my chest and becomes unbearable. I imagine all sorts of horrible things, then I get angry and the hurt turns to pain. And then I wonder why or how he can inflict this much pain on me when he knows how much it hurts me? I tell him. I try to explain it to him. He eventually convinces me that he really understands and is sorry for causing the pain. Then he is so good to me again, and I feel loved, and I love him again. Then I think he believes that everything is so good and fixed that he can go back to his old ways. I wish he would put my feelings before Liz’s. Just once. I wish this didn’t hurt so much. I feel a big barrier going up, a big wall around my heart. I hate pain. I hate to hurt, so I put up a barrier so that I can’t get hurt. I pretend not to care. I try to convince myself that I don’t care. It would be SO much easier. But I do care. I love him. I wish he could understand how committed I am and have been. I don’t want anyone else. Craig has the capacity to totally satisfy me. He is gorgeous, smart, funny and he is an amazing dad to the boys. He helps me in the house, he always pays attention to me and tells me he loves me. I couldn’t ask for more. I don’t want anyone else. I just wish I didn’t have to pay the price with the lies, the deception and Liz. I can’t have everything perfect I guess, but I would rather give up something else. I would rather he be interested in deer hunting, paint balling, any other hobby, other than women. That is too close to breaking my heart. That wears on my inner core.

He called me back an hour later. That was one long hour. He told me never to hang up on him again. Then he said the chances are that he is not coming home for a while. He is convinced that in 2 months he will be deported back to South Africa. After that he will not legally be allowed back into the States for 5 years.

So! All pain and confusion aside (I will have to do the feelings part later), I am now solely responsible for all the bills and being a single parent to the boys forever. We have to move. I can’t afford to stay in this house. I will talk to the boys and see if they want to go back to their old schools or stay in these schools, and then find a smaller home for us.

I can’t imagine how Craig is holding out. He sounded pretty strong, I don’t know how he does it, This is devastating! I can’t write…..I feel sick to my stomach…..

End of journal entries for today. It still blows my mind that I loved him through everything he had done. I have had some life coaching recently, and I believe he had managed to convince me that I was worthless, useless and that no one else would ever want me. So when he was loving and kind, I was pathetically grateful for it. He had me so wrapped around his crooked finger that I acted like a puppet, which is exactly how he wanted me. You will see the proof in this when in 2002 I finally get the courage to leave. And OH MY was that whole following year the worst experience of my life. He drove me insane with his needs, his manipulation and his threats. It is a miracle I survived that year (literally), and now he is locked up and I feel safe for the most part. There have been a few incidents where he has made severe threats to me from prison, and I will share those with you when we get to them, but for the most part I feel safe.

That’s all for today. On Wednesday you will hear more about the court hearings at the INS deportation center and everything I had to do for Craig's trial. I have more journal entries too. Hopefully you are not bored by those but they give a snapshot of how I was feeling at the time.

Thanks again for reading my blog. I love you all.

Keep love in your heart always!

Quote

I am testing how to add pictures, and this quote came up. It's perfect for what has been going on this week. Thanks for all your support, I feel so blessed to have so, so much support! I have carried this difficult story for 14 years and so glad to be getting it off my chest. There is so much to be said, I wish I could spend a month doing nothing but writing. But it would get cold when they shut my power off haha. So one day at a time we will get this all out!

#7 Psychopathological Behaviour

#7

Craig fessed up to the driver's licence part to me after he was arrested for the theft by deception. I only found out about the social security cards when I found them in his filing cabinet after his final arrest, including some blank ones that he could type anyone's name on. Who would have thought there are places that actually do this??!! And how did the police, who had our house taped off and secured for 3 days to get evidence, miss these blank SS cards? And a lot more, which you will hear about in future posts. I'm rambling.

So now came all the media with my clients on the news, completely devastated by the theft of their identity. My clients who had trusted me with all of their confidential information, defrauded by my husband. Craig's story, about the trusts, was well thought out, and I was spinning in a web of lies and a lot of manipulation.

By this point I knew I wouldn’t get to just leave him anymore. I knew this was far bigger than I could ever imagine and one can’t predict the next move of someone who was capable of this much destruction.You would need to be inside his head to be able to predict his next move. I didn’t stand a chance. But my children were my life, and their happiness was everything to me. I had to protect them. They were all I could think about.

I applied for a job at Fidelity Investments (my insurance license with the State of Utah was still valid as I had not been charged with anything). I started working at Fidelity in November 1999.

In December of 1999 Craig had to appear in court for the 3 felony charges of Theft by Deception. He had hired an immigration attorney and they managed to convince the judge that if Craig was to get charged with 3 felonies, or serve any jail time, that he would immediately be deported by the INS (Immigration and Naturalization Services) and that his wife and 4 boys would be left fatherless with no income. I don’t remember distinct details, but I do remember the judge reduced his charges to 2 felonies and sentenced him to 1 -15 years in jail, with immediate suspension, so that the INS would not get him. He was also ordered to pay $30K in restitution.

He was assigned a probation officer who would come by once a month and take some notes. As far as I could tell, Craig was going to get away with paying a fine and walking away after destroying so many lives. I wish I could explain my emotions at this point but I don’t have any memory of them. I shut off all emotions and went to work on building a new life that would eventually free the boys and I. Craig had made some very firm threats to me about even thinking about leaving and taking the kids. He reminded me I was nothing and had nothing and that if I was to leave he would destroy every job I ever got. He actually meant this (turns out), as when I was a Realtor selling houses a year later, he tried to get me fired. But thankfully my broker was onto him even before I was. Anyway, I knew he was capable of anything so I stayed put.

The good news is, through all of this, Craig remained to be cheerful and good to the boys. He spent time with them, played with them and taught them great things. A lot of people found him to be charming and wonderful. Blonde, blue eyes and always offering to help everywhere he went. He was always the first one to help someone in need, and everyone who met him thought he was a great guy. He was the perfect Psychopath.

Today I looked that word up and here is what I found:

Professor Robert Hare is a criminal psychologist, and the creator of the PCL-R, a psychological assessment used to determine whether someone is a psychopath. For decades, he has studied people with psychopathy, and worked with them, in prisons and elsewhere. “It stuns me, as much as it did when I started 40 years ago, that it is possible to have people who are so emotionally disconnected that they can function as if other people are objects to be manipulated and destroyed without any concern,” he says.

Unfortunately that describes Craig to a T. But I didn’t see it. When he put on the charm, I fell for it hard. When he committed those illegal acts, I thought he was just trying to prove he could beat the law, break the rules, and loved the thrill, the adrenaline rush from getting away with it when he did. I wish someone had told me to research Psychopathy. But dang, we barely had the internet!! Google wasn’t invented yet and so any research one had to do you went to the bookstore or the library to do it. AND THIS IS WHY WE NEED TO TALK OPENLY WITH OUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY.

I hope someone out there is reading this and realizes they need to start paying attention to behavior patterns. I was naive and had no experience with anything ugly in my life before I married Craig. I had no idea what a psychopath was and didn’t realize that not all people are the same but with different color hair. Haha ….ok, I wasn’t that naive….but honestly I always saw the good in people, and thought everyone was like me. This is obviously one of my biggest lessons I have to learn in this world because it took me years to actually get it. Now I think I almost go the complete opposite direction when I meet a man who shows interest in me. I run so fast that I think they look at the dust and wonder if I was just an illusion. My family and friends will attest to this. I know I need a lot of coaching or something to trust a man again, but I am open to it. I just need to learn how to trust again, because I don’t trust my own judgement.

The next 6 months I spent on auto pilot. I went to work at Fidelity and was grateful that Craig’s parents lived with us and help me with the boys. The kids adored them. Granny cooked dinner every night and Oupa would play chauffeur taking them to all their activities. We had a planner on the kitchen counter and I would insert my schedule and when I needed help, and they would take care of the rest. They were a great blessing in our lives and I will always be grateful to them.

Craig kept bringing up Liz and how he wanted her to come “join” us. When I first discovered he was sleeping with her, and we had that huge fight, he told me that he and Liz had both agreed it was wrong and they would never do it again. But they stayed friends and no amount of begging or pleading from me changed that. He said he was doing business with her and that one day she would make him a lot of money, and he was not going to give that up for anything (not even his wife). But he promised me they did not have a physical relationship anymore. I told him he was ruining our marriage by always wanting other women, and his exact words were “Eve, you destroyed our marriage when you gained 100 lbs”. This hit me hard. My self esteem was barely hanging by a thread after he had cheated on me twice, and now he is blaming my weight for everything that went wrong in our lives. First they justify, then they blame.

He is asking permission to have someone else in our bed to keep him happy. He said I should be glad he is not doing it behind my back because he easily could (obviously). I tried so many diets. Nothing worked. Craig’s mom would cook healthy meals and give me smaller portions, and all this did was make me feel worse. Being that overweight causes an emotional trauma within yourself, and when others remind you of it, it feels very humiliating. I promise you that overweight people are VERY aware they are fat. Every minute of every day. Reminding them makes them feel even worse, which causes a lot of people to turn to food. It's the only thing they have complete control of, and food is very comforting for that reason. After losing my business I felt like I was worthless, and I knew my husband was not attracted to me and probably ashamed of me. I blamed myself for everything wrong in my life. Especially when Craig would tell me I was worthless all the time.

Gastric By Pass Surgery

One day I was at work and I heard about Gastric Bypass Surgery. I looked into it and remember thinking….if I just had another chance to start over I would be able to keep the weight off. I needed to lose the weight to get my life back. Pregnancies did havoc on my body and I didn’t even recognize myself anymore. I knew I was very unhealthy. I will post pictures for you guys to see what I looked like.

So I looked into the Gastric Bypass option and discovered that the insurance benefits we had at Fidelity would cover it 100 %. If anything good ever came out of me losing my business and going to get a job, it is the opportunity I got to have this surgery. I went for the pre exam and was told I needed to be 5 lbs heavier. I was 95 lbs overweight and the doctor would only do the surgery if I was 100 lbs over weight. No problem. I fixed that in a matter of weeks.

In July of 2000 I underwent the major stomach surgery of having my stomach divided up and my small intestine connected to the smaller part so most of what I ate didn’t even get to my stomach. I remember waking up after surgery and feeling like a steam roller had rolled over me. I was in so much pain. After 3 days in hospital I went home and started my new life of eating a shot of jello 3 times a day. Craig’s mom was incredible to me. She followed the instructions and fed me exactly what was suggested on the menu. She took care of me and slowly I recovered. I lost 50 lbs in the first 6 months. Best decision I have ever made. After a year I had lost all 100 lbs and felt like a new person!!

But now Craig started to become very, very jealous and possessive. He complained when I was big, and he complained when I was thin. Ladies…..be who YOU want to be. Don’t be controlled by anyone in your life. Don’t ever allow it. Yes, losing that weight changed my life and increased my health tenfold, but it certainly did not make my husband any happier.

Move to Kaysville

In December of 2000, Craig told me we were moving to Kaysville. He had bought a house and that’s where we were headed. So we packed everything up and headed north to Kaysville. The new house was much bigger than what we had lived in before, but Craig had made a deal with our good friend Dave, to rent to own. I didn’t even ask questions anymore.

A new probation officer was assigned to Craig. Her name was Kathy. From day one she didn’t agree with the judge's ruling on letting Craig off so lightly and she called the INS. She called Craig in to come to his appointment and had the INS waiting to arrest him. That was 2 weeks before Christmas. I had to explain to the boys that daddy had gone out of town and wouldn’t be home for Christmas. That was very difficult. I was struggling between what I wanted and what I thought the boys needed. I wanted peace.

In my gut I knew I had been saved. I knew that as hard as this was going to be, it was the best thing for us.

Another note between posts.

P.S.
No one told me how sick this was going to make me. I was stronger during the years of chaos than I feel now. Today I missed cleaning two houses because I feel I have strep and my body aches. So I took advantage of the time in bed to write out journal entries from the year 2000 and on. I also have some pictures I will post as soon as Wil teaches me how. I have also been told to insert a Patreon app which makes it possible for subscribers to donate to the blog. I don't want anyone to think I am asking for money, but if you feel my blog is going to help anyone and you want to donate towards it, then the Patreon app will make it possible.
**Update** I no longer use Patreon. I have found better avenues than asking for donations :)

I have so much information to give you, I just have to do it at a pace I can handle, while continuing with my daily life. I had no idea how hard it would be to re live this time of my life. I will continue to add to the blog on Wednesdays and Sundays for as many seasons as it takes! Forget dateline....maybe this can be a full time soap opera!

Thanks again for your support. I have had close to 3000 views already!

#6 Shoplifting and Identity Theft

#6

Before I start this next chapter I need to bring up a couple other incidents that had occurred.

When we lived in West Valley City my son Doug had been picked to play a part in a movie and we spent a period of a few weeks doing filming. It was a very exciting time for us all as Doug was acting with Kathy Baker and Adam Arkin. At this time my ex husband, Mark, was married to a lady named Loretta (name was changed). On the last night of filming the cast and crew threw a big party to celebrate and we, as parents, were all invited to this party. Unfortunately I had to work that night so Craig took Doug to the party. Somehow he and Loretta ended up in an argument, the police were called and they were both charged with simple assault. This was the first “criminal” record item I had experienced with Craig. They were both fined and put on probation.

The second incident happened one day when I received a phone call from the police to go pick Craig up from the station. This time he had been arrested for SHOPLIFTING. Of all things. Apparently he used the baby stroller to hide some plant bulbs and walked out of Home Depot without paying for them. I couldn’t believe it….plant bulbs??? Why would you risk anything for some cheap bulbs??? He told me it was the thrill of getting away with it. That is why he did it. RED FLAG.....being addicted to the thrill of breaking the law. This incident violated his probation he was on so it was a bigger deal with the court and was entered into his criminal history. He was also fined of course and was not allowed back into Home Depot ever again.

Ok...so now back to the story….

Craig started bringing home a lot of new things. Big things. Furniture, clothing, jewelry, appliances. I asked him where it was all coming from and he said those “people” that he had set up in trusts had paid him with credit at department stores and RC Wiley. He said that the purpose of having a trust is to keep your assets separated from your identity, so these people didn’t want to pay Craig directly and red flag the IRS. So they paid him by giving him gift cards. Yes, now I realize how incredibly naive I must have looked, but I do know I was trying very hard to build up the trust in our relationship again and I had been instructed by our counselor to either trust or leave. But here is one very strange detail…. I asked Craig if I could come and do some shopping with him, so that I could pick out some of the things we were getting, and he said no. He said I could go window shopping and make a list, but that I could not be with him at the time of purchase because he was the only one allowed to use those cards and he didn’t ever want it to be discovered that I was with him. Why this didn’t raise a BIG red flag I have no idea. I know I grew suspicious and was starting to wonder what the real truth was, but I could not FATHOM what he was really doing.

Craig continued shopping for a period of weeks until one day I noticed a black car with two men in it, parked across the street from our house. We lived on a circle so there weren’t many houses around. This car was parked there for a couple days and I even spoke out loud to Craig questioning what he thought they were there for. He was cool as a cucumber and didn’t seem to care about it. Then on Friday morning Craig said he needed to take our boat in to get ready for summer. I helped him hook the boat up to the back of the van and watched as he pulled out of the driveway. The black car followed him. I ran inside and called him and told him they were following him. He was wearing an earpiece on his phone and left me on the line when they pulled him over around the corner from our house. They said the boat had an expired registration. I was so confused. Then they said they were taking him in. I was asking a lot of questions, freaking out, and couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I said you don’t get arrested for an expired boat registration!! Craig locked the van up and left the keys hidden for me and I had to go pick it up, along with the boat. Apparently that was an excuse to pull Craig over and arrest him. The boat was fine.

Craig was booked into jail that night. It hit the news immediately that he had been arrested for Theft by Deception. His name and face came up on every news break, I was horrified. Media started showing up on our front lawn. I grabbed the boys and got them out of the house as quickly as possible and checked into a hotel to keep them from hearing the news on TV or from friends, while I tried to figure out what on earth was going on. I had no idea what Theft by Deception was.

Here comes the shocker….

Later on I was able to watch the news and I saw the people being interviewed about their identity being stolen and realized how familiar their names and faces were. Then I realized they were my clients!! Craig had stolen client files out of my office and had stolen my clients identities and ruined their credit while going on a massive shopping spree. I didn’t think things could get any worse than they had already been, but once again I was wrong. Remember those trips to CA he was taking? It had nothing to do with trusts at all. He was going to a park in downtown LA and buying Drivers licenses with his picture and my clients names. I don't know how many he made. He also got SS cards in their names.

He was identified from security videos in the stores he went to and they had zoomed in on his license plate while picking up large items at the back of RC Wiley. All they had to do was trace his license plate back to us, and then they parked outside of our house and waited for him to come out. They had seen all of the little kids in and out of the house and didn’t want to arrest him in front of them. I was very grateful for that gesture. And now I realized why Craig wouldn’t let me shop with him….I would have recognized the names he was using!

By Sunday night Craig had been released from the SL jail. He called me from a pay phone downtown SLC and I remember thinking he had escaped. Nothing was going to blind side me anymore (or so I thought). The Salt Lake jail had let him out due to being over booked. I drove downtown and picked him up, but now it was starting to hit me. I was living a life of lies and deceit and I needed to find a way to get out.

Then of course I had to face my company. They are one of the largest financial services companies in North America and obviously had to investigate my involvement in this whole ordeal. They flew their top attorney out from back east and he sat down with me and interrogated me on EVERYTHING. He had already received a copy of Craig's file and brought it to the table with him. It was 3 or 4 inches thick. There was SO much he had done. The good news was they could tell by everything they had received in the police report that I had nothing to do with anything that had happened, other than it was MY CLIENTS. So this attorney said that they had to continue the investigation and while doing so I either had to resign (which would give me the opportunity to come back one day after I had been completely cleared) or they were going to have to terminate me and I would never be able to work for them again. I chose to resign, knowing full well I had absolutely nothing to do with Craig's criminal doings. This was a MAJOR incident in my life. I had worked SO hard. I had given up so much time with my family and sacrificed so much to build my agency, and now suddenly, overnight....it was all gone. The shame and humiliation was indescribable. The guilt was overwhelming, for allowing (trusting) Craig in my office. He often asked to come and use my printer, or sometimes during a meeting he would hang out in my office and do some work....I never thought for a second that my files were vulnerable to theft. He was my husband, why would I not trust him? Big mistake. Big mistake.

So my plans for leaving were halted. Now I really had nothing. I don't know if Craig used my clients to intentionally destroy my business, or if they were just easy for him to get to, but either way I lost everything and so did so many of my clients. I had to give up the dream of having my own business and go find a job.

One night I was at a school concert for one of the boys and my Mom just showed up and called me out. I thought there had been an accident, but it was Craig back in the news. She didn’t want the boys seeing it, so she came to get us. I had to call the kids out of the school play to protect them from what was coming. They were announcing that his day in court was coming up and that he was facing 3 felony charges and the chance of being deported since he was not a US citizen. He was a green card Resident Alien and if you get more than 2 felony charges or go to jail, the INS threatens to deport you immediately.

By this point I thought I had seen it all. I thought I had lived through the worst part of my life and that things could only get better. Once again I was very wrong….it hadn’t even begun.

# 7 will be published on Wednesday so thanks again for ALL your support. Getting all of this out of my system has been very liberating.

Keep love in your heart always!

#5 His first affair

#5.

1998

I was sitting in my office one afternoon, talking to a few of my agents, when I received a phone call from Cindee’s husband. He said that he and Cindee were having marital problems and had started seeing a marriage counselor. During one of their sessions Cindee had admitted to having an affair with Craig two years previously, that had lasted for over 6 months. At first I didn’t want to believe him, but he was crying and I knew he had no reason to make this up. To this day I remember my drive home that afternoon, with the pain reeling through my body so hard that I wanted to drive my car into a pole as fast as possible. I needed to remove the pain from inside of me and make it external. I wanted to numb myself, I was in shock. I waited until I got home to confront Craig. He admitted to it and begged for my forgiveness. He apologized and said that it had started when I was late in my pregnancy with Richard (Remember the big fight?). One of the very shocking things to me was, Cindee was a very big girl. I was too, so I’m not judging, but in my mind I didn’t ever, ever see that coming. I thought if my husband was going to cheat on me it would be with some long legged, skinny, gorgeous girl, and I would be able to pick up on it before anything ever happened. Cindee was a smoker and Craig couldn’t stand the smell of cigarette smoke, so none of this made sense to me.

During 1998 sometime, before I was given this news, I discovered what kind of people Cindee and Mike were. She would laugh and brag that she would go to the airport and steal people's luggage, just to see what she could get. I was horrified! Then another time she confessed to me that she would make fake identity cards for kids who wanted to get into bars. I couldn’t be around these people anymore and I told Craig I never wanted to see them again. We were driving back from their house in Ogden one night and Craig just laughed at me and said I was acting like a goody two shoes, but I was very serious. I would not go out with them after that. And I thought Craig had stopped seeing them too because they faded out of the picture, and their names never came up again. Until I received that phone call from Mike….and everything came flooding back.

Turns out Craig saw opportunity in them. I found out Cindee and Mike had “fixed” the paperwork for our mortgage and we would never have qualified without their “help”. Yes I know Craig was in it for the free sex too, but you will learn through this blog that Craig was an opportunist, a master manipulator, and when he wanted something he would go after it until he got it. He wasn’t taking Cindee and Mike boating…. it was just the two of them (Craig and Cindee) going and I had no idea what was going on. Craig was getting lessons. He learned how to make fake ID cards (which you will hear about later) and it just grew after that. He told me he had ended it with her because he really didn’t like her and was only doing it to get away with it.

We went to see a counselor and in one of the sessions the counselor told me that I had two choices. I could choose to not forgive Craig, and move out and file for a divorce, OR I could choose to forgive him, stay and learn to trust Craig again. He said it wouldn't work if I chose to stay but kept bringing up the affair. Apparently that wouldn’t be fair. Was any of this fair?? So I chose to stay and not bring it up again. I had 4 little boys who adored their dad and our lives looked so good from the outside. We spent a lot of time playing together as a family and I wasn’t about to be the one to destroy all of that. I should have realized it wasn’t me that caused this havoc, but I couldn’t bare to be the one to unravel our lives.

It took me time to build up that trust again. I was scared, but I really believed that Craig had made a bad mistake and was very sorry for it and had learned his lesson. I believed he wanted us to be the family we once were and that he would never do something as terrible as that again.

AND HERE COMES THE NEXT ONE

One of Craig's massage clients was a lady by the name of Liz  Liz had been a client since we were in massage school and was still receiving massages from Craig once a week. One night Craig and I were having a quiet discussion while we were lying in bed, and he brought up that he was interested in bringing Liz into our bedroom. He said it could be fun and exciting and different and that he hadn’t said anything to her about it because he wanted to see how I felt about it first.(That was a lie). I told him absolutely NOT. No part of me was interested in bringing another woman into my bedroom at all!. I had gained a lot of weight with each pregnancy due to pregnancy induced hypoglycemia and was still very heavy (almost 100 lbs overweight). Liz was very thin (here comes the skinny long legged one I was afraid of) and just the thought of being naked next to her horrified me, let alone watching her having sex with my husband! I also told Craig that we were supposed to be trying to build up trust in our marriage again and this would not help at all. He let it go that day, but still brought it up once in awhile, hoping I would change my mind. I never did, but that never stopped him.

Then I noticed Craig had a password on his voicemail. He would check his phone a lot, and to listen to his messages he had to enter a password. I asked him why he had a password on his voicemail and his response was “Because you need to learn to trust me again”. He stuck to this and continued using this password on his voicemail. One day he checked his voicemail while on speakerphone, he punched in his 4 digit password and then picked up the receiver to listen to his messages. I memorized the sound of those 4 digits. I played it over and over in my head until Craig had to leave for an appointment. Once he was gone I got on the phone, turned on the speaker phone and punched on numbers until I got the tune right...and bingo. I cracked his code. To my horror, the message was from Liz and she was talking to him in a very seductive way, giving him direction on how and when to come and see her when her husband would not be home. I knew from this message that they were having an affair and were very familiar with one another. Once again my world turned upside down. I was sick to my stomach and this time couldn’t wait for him to come home to discuss it. When I called him he was with her. I yelled so loud into the phone I think she probably heard me. He told me to calm down and that he was coming home. Once he got home he apologized again, begged for my forgiveness, asked me to punch him as hard as I wanted to, asked me to slap him across the face. I punched him in the chest, but didn’t have the strength to even cause a bruise. My anger/hurt turns within, It’s not something I can “punch” out. I was so so upset and had no idea what to do. All our money was handled by Craig.(side note...he never put my name on the title of the house). My income checks were direct deposited into our bank and he deposited his massage income and then he took care of all the bills. He was also doing online day trading which kept him on the computer for hours, sometimes yelling in distress and other times screaming with joy at what he had made on a trade. So with everything being in his control I knew I couldn’t just pack my bags and move out. He told me I was nothing without him. He said if I tried to leave he would take my name off the bank account and I would have nothing. He told me that if I tried to take the boys away that it would ruin their lives. He convinced me I had nowhere to run , nowhere to turn. I did not even tell my family or closest friends because I was so humiliated, embarrassed, hurt. I didn’t want anyone to know that my husband was cheating on me. So every day I got up and went to work like any other day. I smiled for the boys and endured Craig's attempts of affection in front of the kids, so that they would think everything was normal. But I was torn apart from the inside out.

Craig's parents moved from South Africa to come and live with us in the SJ house. Craig said we could use the help while I worked and it would help his folks out at the same time. Craig was working on writing up “trusts” for people. For a long time he had talked about trusts and how people used them to get out of paying taxes and that there was a lot of money in setting them up. So he would have his mom type all day long (as well as watch the boys while I was at work). Once again I faithfully (and very naively) believed in him and really thought he was doing what he said he was doing. He took a couple trips to CA to meet with “some guys who needed trusts”. I don’t remember the conversations exactly but I’m sure he called me a few times while he was there and he had me convinced that he was meeting with these people. He would only be gone for a few days. I was very focused on building my business and didn’t want to delve too far into what he was doing for fear of him calling me “distrustful”.

Blog #6 is on it’s way..I attended a wedding tonight and it’s almost midnight so to keep my brain sharp and focused and keep all the detail to the point I will stop here for tonight. Blog #6 will delve into a large case of identity theft and Craig's first trip to jail. No one could make this stuff up….so hang in there and please KEEP SHARING!

Pictures are coming this weekend!!

Don't forget to Keep Love in your Heart!!