#20
Here is another journal entry that I have a very VIVID recollection of. But since I have it written the day it happened, I will give it to you as it was written.
Sunday Feb 2nd, 2003
Craig phoned at about 12:30 pm and asked if he could come over to talk to the kids and I. I said it was OK as long as there would be no fighting. He arrived at 1:15 pm and sat down at the table and called the kids over. He told them he wants to take them to California for a week, to Disneyland and SeaWorld. He then looked at me and said they would be leaving at midnight on Friday. My heart sank. I remembered the call I received from Laura who said she felt Craig was going to try and get the kids out of the county. I went cold. I asked where they would be staying? His response was “Some motel somewhere”. I said I needed to think about it. At this he became very angry at me. so I said to him quietly that he is not allowed to leave the State according to the INS. He started yelling at me that he has every right to take his kids away on a trip. He swore at me in front of the little boys sitting right there. I asked him to watch his language in front of the kids. He turned to them and told them that their mother won’t let them go on a trip with him. He started swearing the F word at me again so I told him to leave. He yelled louder and started calling me scum. Then he pulled a tape recorder out of his jacket pocket and pushed it into my face. I reminded him to watch his mouth in front of the kids. He just got louder and continued swearing at me and calling me terrible names. I told him to leave again. He just continued yelling inches away from my face. I opened the front door and told him to leave. He just got his face right into mine and yelled that I was scum. I was very scared and shaking. I called 911. While I was on the phone to the dispatcher Craig continued yelling at me. Then he wanted to leave but the dispatcher said he had to wait for the officers to arrive!........!!??!!
He got in his car in the driveway and actually waited, which surprised me. The officers arrived (about 10 cars) and they spoke to him in my driveway for some time. After he left they came and told me to lock my door and if he tried to come back I must call them. They had told him to stay away.
I keep thinking, hoping, that he will behave normally. I keep hoping he will give up the fight. I am very concerned about the way he yells at me in front of the little boys. It is not right for them to be exposed to that.
Monday 02/03/2003
I tried to get another protective order today after last night's events, but it was denied because Craig didn’t physically touch me. (It’s unreal that computers get to be the brains in these events, because a human would be able to pick up on the real problem)
I am VERY concerned about him taking the kids to CA. He is not supposed to leave the State without getting permission from the INS.
Craig picked the boys up after school to spend the night with him, but then he brought them home at 9:30pm. I guess his plans changed.
Tuesday 02/04/2003
I left a message for Dwight Williams on his voicemail. He did not call me back. Craig picked the boys up after school again today and they spent the night. Rocco told me Craig is taking them out of school early tomorrow ,at 1pm, to go to Park City and spend the night in a cabin. I am missing them terribly.
Wednesday 02/05/2003
Craig is really angry today. He fought with me all morning. ( I have this all on tape). He says when he spends time with the kids he realizes how much I am taking away from him and he hates me for it. I asked him numerous times to let me say good morning to the the kids, and all he did was yell at me. He yelled until I was in tears. Eventually Richie called me and I got to talk to him.
I worry he won’t let them call me from CA.
I spoke to Officer Gaye at the INS and he said if I give them a sworn affidavit next week that Craig was out of State more than 48 hours, then Craig would be in violation. Violation?? Whoop ti doo! They are a circus over there! There is nothing I can do until a crime has been committed. No one will listen. It is an absolute JOKE. They all do nothing!!
Friday 02/07/2003
I spoke to the DCA office about Craig taking the kids out of state and how worried I am. Craig has nothing left and nothing to lose, and I know he would just take the kids and run as fast as he could to get away from me and away from all his demons chasing him. It scares me so much Their advice….tell Craig I insist on going with them or he cannot take them out of State. I decided that would be better than staying home and being worried sick every hour about where my boys were.
So obviously I don’t have journal entries from the days we were in CA. But I have pictures which I am posting on Patreon. When I look at the pictures they make me very sad. I know how unhappy I was and it showed on my face, but I thought I was putting on a happy face for the boys. It should have been a very happy, fun trip, but instead it was tense and false. I am so sorry that my boys went through all of this. Kids are so resilient and can put on happy faces, but you know….the hurt goes deep. Just because they look happy, doesn’t mean they don’t know what’s going on. They are more aware than adults are. Children are like animals with fierce instincts and don’t be fooled by their sweet smiles and cute playful actions. They pick up on everything and they know things are not right. Adults lie to themselves and like to believe the kids are fine….but they are more instinctive than adults are and they are not stupid. I didn’t choose to make the trip miserable, but there was so much on my mind I couldn’t fake it well enough that everything looked ok.
We went to Disneyland, Sea World and the San Diego Zoo. I think Universal studios too. Craig tried very hard to be affectionate to me, but it pushed me away. It was a tough battle because even if I did respond, he knew it wasn’t real and got mad at me. He was constantly frustrated with me for not being affectionate enough and so it was a very tense few days. In the end I couldn’t even stand to be in the car with him for the drive home, so I bought a plane ticket and flew home. I still feel so bad that my boys holiday was ruined by my emotions. I really tried….but to explain the hell my heart and my head were going through is next to impossible. I had been through so much and couldn’t just get over it. The pain and confusion ran very deep. He kept reminding me that I didn’t touch him enough and picked on anything negative he could find. I didn't ever feel relaxed and knew I was always upsetting him. But not intentionally. My existence upsets him.
Sorry it's a short post tonight. My neighbors baby has severe colic so I tended him for a couple hours to give his parents a break. It's late so I want to get this out to you.
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