#17 Protective Orders

I don’t think I have explained the process one goes through to get a Protective order. After you have police reports or evidence that you feel that your life is in danger, you go to the Victims Advocates and tell them you want to file a PO. They make you fill out a bunch of paperwork describing the incident or incidents and if it’s serious enough they can have it temporarily issued immediately. Which mine were. Craig would be served the same day. Then they set a hearing date for 30 days out and you go to court and the judge decides if it needs to be granted as a permanent order, or if it can be dismissed.

Sept 18th 2002 was our hearing date and the judge ruled to keep the Protective Order in place. This is obviously because Craig continuously violated it. When he did violate it, he would either receive a phone call from the police to remind him to stay away, or they would arrest him. Depending on the severity. If he was arrested he was given another hearing date and had to go back to court regarding the violation. I did not have to be there for that, for obvious reasons.  

On Sept 19th I moved out of the Kaysville house as I couldn't afford to stay there. I moved into a week by week hotel and Craig moved back into the house. The boys stayed in the house as it was their home and the best thing for them at the time, but I took them as often as we could arrange. I looked for a house to buy. During this time Craig was still doing day trading on the stock markets, and massaging. I don’t know how he afforded to stay there and when you hear some of the audio tapes I have, you hear me questioning that. If you are a Patreon subscriber, you will be able to click on the audio links and hear these phone calls as soon as I get them up.

Here is a journal entry from 09/23/2002

Today Craig called me numerous times asking me to meet him at the courthouse to drop the protective order. I finally gave in as he doesn't take no for an answer and it’s exhausting to keep dealing with him. I kept giving him excuses why I couldn't, but I didn't want to start another fight. So he met me at the Victim's Advocates office at the Davis County courthouse. While we were sitting in the waiting area, Theresa (the one lady I had been working with)  told Craig he is not allowed anywhere near me and that he could get arrested for being there, so he left in a mad huff. Theresa and Jennifer asked me what was going on. I told them that he had promised me that he would leave me alone if I dropped the PO. I told them that every time I report to the police that he’s violating it, all they would do is call him and remind him to leave me alone. Then he would get very angry at me for threatening him again.  Theresa and Jennifer both strongly encouraged me not to drop it. I told them I was too scared to walk out of the building without dropping it. (How crazy is that?) I knew Craig would be furious and I would have to deal with it.  So we decided to let him think that I had filled out  the paperwork to dismiss it, and that it takes 7 to 10 days for the judge to sign it. They said they were not going to enter it into court because they could tell Craig was definitely still a threat to me, but that I should tell Craig I had done my part and now he needs to wait 7 to 10 days before he will know.

Of course he called me the moment I left (he must have been watching from somewhere) and I told him exactly what they had told me to tell him.. He asked me to go to a counseling session with him on Tuesday (the next day) and I told him I could not go anywhere with him until the PO is dismissed. He was angry, but agreed.

09/24/2002 THE NEXT DAY!

Craig called me at 8 am and asked me the names of the girls at the courthouse that I was working with. I told him I don’t remember, and asked why. He said he needed to talk to them. Then he called me again a few minutes later and said he needed to call them to tell them to keep the P.O in place and not to dismiss it. I told him they wouldn't do anything for him, that they were my advocates and only worked with me. He told me that I had better call them and have it reinstated. Of course I didn't have to make that call because it was not in the process of getting dismissed.

Craig called me again at 9:25am and said that he had spoken to an attorney and that no one can force me to have that P.O. I told him I had already made the call to cancel the dismissal. He was frustrated. I reminded him that he had told me to do it. He said we had better get an attorney and get it dropped. I told him he can’t keep messing with the courts like this. He started to threaten me that he would make me lose my job and my mortgage. I told him to quit threatening me. He said I am threatening him with the PO. I told him he would only get into trouble if he violates it. He says that's a threat. Either he has to obey the law or else they’ll be after him. He was very threatened by that.

He also told me this morning that he has to quit his job with Coventry mortgage and he will be bankrupt in a few months. I asked him why. He said because I would report him to the officials that he is a felon and shouldn't be working with mortgages. I have no interest in destroying his life. All I want is for him to leave me alone.I wish he could understand that.

I think he’s angry because I told him yesterday that I want a divorce. The company that I was licensed with before (the one I was working with when he stole my clients info)  won’t reinstate me unless I can show we are divorced. So now he’s saying he won’t give me the divorce because he doesn't want me to work with them ever again.

I don’t understand how he wakes up in these crazy moods. I can never figure him out from one day to the next. One day he seems normal, and the next he is flying off the handle. What do I do?

On this same day Craig received the summons for Violating the PO while I was at the Holiday Inn. I had reported it and also given them proof of all the times he called my phone that morning. This was his second violation. He was arrested by Layton PD. The INS were there too so he had to negotiate with them, and he was released after 2 hours.

I needed to get some personal things out of the Kaysville house but Craig outright refused to let me get anything, So I had to get a Police Stand Off (which means the cops stand there while you get your things)  to get personal belongings out of the house. They only allow you your basic items until the divorce settles who gets what. So I got a few clothes and my toiletries. That was it.

09/26/2002

Craig left me a message on my cell phone saying he will pay for me to get some tests done because he doesn't know who or what I have become and he has never harmed me and never will and he doesn't know what he has done to make me hate him so much.

I have a recording of this message.

I don’t have exact memories of all this, but I do have diaries and journal notes, which is why you are getting this in this piece by piece.The Victim's Advocates and the police had all told me to keep good notes of exact times and days and events concerning Craig so that when we went to court, I would have it. If I had not done this, I would not be able to write this much detail obviously.

09/27/2002

Craig was served a summons for violating the Protective order for Domestic Violence. (09/24 and 09/25) Case # 021701660

Here is the part that most won’t understand. I had figured out that Craig was FAR more dangerous, threatening and in my face when he had a P.O. than when he didn't. I am a white personality and all I ever want is PEACE. I can’t stand fighting, tension and threats. So I decided to drop the P.O and hopefully get Craig to calm down. I honestly believed the P.O did nothing for me. It didn't put a bullet proof wall around me and stop my phone connection between us. It was merely a piece of paper that made him SO much worse to be around. To me the P.O made my life hell.. I would love to say here that I have learned that having a P.O is a good idea, but unfortunately my case did not prove that. The P.O did nothing for me. This is my personal story, so I am not suggesting to anyone to take any advice from this. Hopefully in time I can prove that a protective order is useful.

09/30/2002 DROPPED PO

I filed a dismissal to the PO that had been enforced on 09/18.

I have a copy of the notes I wrote on the request to dismiss.

Eve’s notes why:: I have been visiting with our counselor and believe that Craig is no longer a threat to me. He is a great father to our boys and I would like to be able to have this resolved for their sake. We will continue visiting our counselor in order to be good parents. We also need to take care of our finances and joint property.

I honestly believed he would treat me better if I dropped it.

10/01/2002 INS visit. Craig went in for his regular INS visit. They said nothing about how many times he had gone to court over protective orders and violating them.

Their notes: Reported as ordered. Next report date is April 2003

By now I had purchased a home in Layton. It was a cute little house and I was so excited to have a home for my boys and a place I would feel safe. On 10/28/2002 I had ADT installed and had an alarm on every window and door and a panic button. I finally felt safe. Craig still wouldn't let me get anything out of the Kaysville house, so the kids and I had the bare minimum. We didn't care though. We had a home again.

I was working with Coldwell Banker and selling homes. I worked hard and supported the kids with every breath I had in me.

I sold our South Jordan house. Craig and I were in wars over our West Valley house though. We had 2 mortgages on it. He had agreed to pay on the first, and I had agreed to pay on the second.

In the next blog you will hear more about the events with the coffee trailer and the way he tried to use the West Valley house against me.

Thanks for your support always!! I am doing my best to keep up to date and get all of this out of me. My dining room table looks like a conference table with piles of sorted notes, journals, binders and envelopes. It’s all coming your way!!

Remember to keep love in your hearts.

# 16 The end of Rise 'n Shine

By now our lives were a complete mess and I was living day to day wondering what to do. Craig forced me to go with him to his attorney and “confess to lying” about the broken window on my car incident. I went with him to his attorney, and then completely fumbled and couldn’t figure out how to lie about the truth and the attorney WAS AWESOME! He knew EXACTLY what was going on and even though he was Craig's attorney, he gave me the benefit of the doubt and led Craig to believe I had done what he wanted me to do. He knew I was being forced to be there against my will that day, and knew that Craig had indeed smashed my car window out of rage when I tried to drive away from him.

Another person I have to thank is my landlord for rmy coffee shop at the time. He owned Ruth's Diner, up Parleys Canyon, and a lot of other hotels in Layton and Salt Lake. He gave me free rooms anytime I needed them. He could tell Craig was on a rampage and my landlord put some code into all his hotels that would grant me a free room whenever I showed up. I can’t thank him enough because that alone gave me a safe place to be on nights I knew it wasn’t safe to go home.

One night while I had a protective order in place, Craig had come at me like a raging bull about something, so I called 911 and they arrested him. I still didn’t feel safe going home so I went and checked into the local hotel close by to get some rest. At around 10:30pm I received a phone call from a dispatcher saying that Craig had been released. The Bishop in our ward had paid his bail and Craig was free. I couldn’t believe it. I just could not believe it. I don't think I slept one wink that night.

The next morning I got up and opened the curtains, my room overlooked the parking lot, and there, parked right next to my car, was Craig's car. He had figured out where I was, and he was mad that I had got him arrested. I sat in that hotel room waiting for him to leave. He called me over and over and over on my cell phone. Finally I hooked up the little tape recorder that the police had given me, and I answered his call. Those phone calls got him arrested again later that day.

 Our protective order allowed us phone calls to discuss the children, pick up and drop off, and any legal business due to the shop closing down. Craig could not keep to those restrictions. He was always angry, yelling and very threatening. Placing a protective order on Craig made my life much worse, and in my opinion, much more dangerous. You will see this in in the journal entries I am going to be putting up here over the next few posts.

The Victim's Advocates had told me to keep a backpack in the trunk of my car with immediate supplies and a change of clothes for the days that I didn’t feel safe to go home. That was a HUGE help. I could check into a hotel with my backpack of supplies and would have what I needed.

One day during one of our arguments, I realized that Craig knew far too much about my day to day life. I realized he knew who I was talking to and in contact with, which meant he had access to my cell phone records. I went into my local Sprint office and they told me that Craig had come in and demanded a copy of my phone records. Now I had previously told them that NO ONE was allowed to get those records. I had a password on there that I will tell you all now because obviously it has changed, but my password was MY PERSONAL. This was because Craig would often come up with a reason for me to call Sprint and because of the password protection on the account they would ask me for it. I didn’t want Craig to know my password, so by using MY PERSONAL, I had hoped that to Craig it would sound like they were asking me if it was my business or personal account. To this day I think that was smart because it really did sound like I was answering a simple question when I was actually giving my password. Anyway, apparently one day Craig went into Sprint, and demanded that he get copies of all my records. The idiot working there told Craig he was not allowed to disclose that information but told Craig he could stand behind his desk and look at the info over his shoulder on his screen. I wish I had the energy, money and power to sue all the people that helped Craig destroy my life.

Then my business bank account. I had a business bank account at Barclays Bank in Kaysville. My name was the only name on the business account. One day I went to pay out payroll and discovered I had a ZERO balance in my account. My blood went cold, my blood pressure went high. I knew EXACTLY what had happened. They were literally across the street from my coffee shop, so  I walked over there and calmly asked where all my money was. They looked at the records, called the manager over and said that Craig had come in that morning and withdrawn the entire balance. I calmly asked if Craig was a “signatore” on my account (spell check doesn’t like that word, but it means having signing power on a bank account). Knowing full well he did not have any power on my account. They confirmed he was not on the account. The manager said he had been the one to actually give Craig the funds because he “seemed like such a nice, honest guy”. I told them to immediately put those funds back into my account. I withdrew every dime and closed the account, and told the manager he had better pray that I don’t sue him and the bank.

My landlord, as I have mentioned, was an incredible man. He had figured out what was going on and he could see the battle I was fighting. He came to me and made me an offer. He would let me out of the 5 year lease I had signed, and in return I could give him some of my commercial equipment. As I mentioned, he owned a few restaurants and hotels, so commercial equipment was worth something to him. He got my stand up double door freezer, fridge, soft serve ice cream maker, my awesome espresso machines and grinders and a lot of other equipment that was all worth thousands of dollars. This was a very difficult decision to make because not only did I LOVE my cafe, I knew that my son Wil, and my Aunt and Uncle, and mother in law, all had put so much unpaid work into it. It had huge potential. We made home made South African foods, incredible coffee and our service was perfect. It was a huge chapter in our lives that I did not want to close at all.

Now one of the things we had also included in the business was a coffee trailer. This was a drive through coffee trailer that was 100% self sufficient with generators, good water, old water containers, fridges and freezers. We built this trailor from scratch. I have photographs of this trailer as we worked on it and built it, but of course they are literal paper photos and I need to get them scanned into here.  BUT WILL DO IT!!

We set this trailer up outside the IRS building in Ogden and it did very well. So even after I closed the Kaysville location, we still had the trailer running. Craig would run it most of the time as by now I was a Realtor, but when he couldn't be there, I was. There is a whole episode on what happened with this trailer, but I have that all in journal entries coming out soon.

On September 2, 2002 I officially closed the Rise n’ Shine cafe, and we just kept the trailer running for a few more months.

That's it for tonight. Thank you all for following along, we are close to 11,000 views!!


Thanks again for all your support, until next time, Keep love in your hearts!!

# 15 INS (Immigration and Naturalization Services)

I’ve been going through all my planners, notes and old memories and trying to get everything in a timeline so that I don’t keep bouncing back and forth.

Blog # 13 I talked about Craig chasing me behind our coffee shop and throwing me against the wall, that happened May 15th 2002.

It’s important to tell you about the INS and how they were “following up” with Craig after they had released him from CO. I found the paper they gave him when they released him. I rewrote the exact release letter and have put it on my Patreon website. He was instructed to report to Officer Gaye at the beginning of every month. Officer Chase asked him to bring his passport in, but he never did. Here are the notes that the INS wrote on his form at each visit. The INS notes are italicized.

07/02/2001

Craig reported as directed. He was instructed to bring in his Picture ID , Passport and Birth certificate to the next visit on Sept 4, 2001

09/04/2001

Craig reported as directed, next time must bring his picture ID, passport and birth certificate on Nov 1st, 2001

11/01/2001

Telephone interview. Next date to report is  May 1, 2002. Officer Chase

05/01/2002

Craig appeared as directed to the INS. Next report is July 1, 2002  Signed by Officer Gaye

Then the assault happened on 05/15/2002 behind the coffee shop.

*** Craig had been specifically instructed by the INS to stay out of trouble. They had told him that ANY violation would have him arrested and deported. The Victims Advocate that I was working with had contacted the INS and informed them that Craig had received an assault charge and that his pretrial was set for July 16, 2002.

The INS contacted me and told me that they would be at the hearing and Craig would be arrested.

07/01/2002 Craig appeared as directed to the INS. Next report is October 2002

07/16/2002 PRETRIAL

At this hearing Craig plead to a Plea and Abeyance to Domestic assault and was sentenced to 18 months probation. Fine $365. No other violations to be committed. That was it.

Then one day I was working in the coffee shop and Craig arrived really mad at me about something. I can’t even remember what it was. He was following me around the store yelling in my ear, so I got my keys and got into my car and locked the doors. As I was reversing out of my spot Craig punched the car window and broke it. I drove straight to the police station again and they went to the coffee shop and “arrested and released” Craig on the spot. What the heck that is about, I will never know. He received an arrest citation to appear in court. But now his MOTHER was mad at me. I will never forget how she slammed her fist on the counter and said “Eve, what are you thinking? Don’t you know you are going to get him deported?” I remember standing there, looking at her with tears pouring down my face, wondering if I should tell her what a mad man her son was, or if I should just let her find out for herself. So I walked away. I didn’t want to tell his mother how terribly he had been behaving, and how he had destroyed our marriage. Maybe I was scared of his retaliation. I don’t remember. But I didn’t say anything to her.

So by now Craig was really getting angry with me. He knew the INS were on to him, although they didn’t show up at his pretrial, but he knew he was walking on thin ice and it was ALL MY FAULT!

During this time I moved into one of our guest bedrooms. I wanted to move out, but had nowhere to go. One night Craig came into my room and woke me up, shoved a tape recorder in my face  and he promised to destroy my father and my brother if I tried to take his children away from him. I took him very seriously. I don’t know if the tape recorder made me think the promise was real, but I totally believed he would do that if I tried to have him deported.

Also at this time, my cousin had flown out from South Africa and was visiting with us. She called me the other day after reading my blog, and was horrified because she realized that all of this was going on while she was here, and she had no idea. I told NO ONE. I was terrified that Craig would go through with his threats if I started telling my family.

My cousin told me, on the call the other day, that she remembers one night we had gone out to dinner or something and I had asked them not to tell Craig we had gone out. He was extremely neurotic, insecure and possessive and if he had found out we had gone out he would assume I had told them everything. So everyone agreed that they wouldn’t tell Craig that we had gone out, although they didn’t understand exactly why I was hiding it. The next day, Craig cornered my cousin in our living room and interrogated her about the night before, and she said he was very demanding of all the facts. I did not know he did this to her until just a few days ago when she called me.

I have also been receiving a lot of phone calls and emails from people in South Africa who grew up with Craig, and each one of them has a similar horror story. If only I had known all that before I married him….

08/2002

We found another counselor. Her name was Shondell. She worked out of her home which was just a few minutes away from ours, so it was convenient, and she came highly recommended.

She was more experienced in this type of behaviour, but told me during a one on one session with her that we were the worst case she had ever seen. We had sessions with both of us together and then she would see us individually. When we were there together she kept her house phone right next to her. She told me she never knew with Craig when she might need to call for help.

08/29/2002  Craig was summonsed with a temporary Protective Order.

Ex Parte (Temporary) Protective Order Davis County Civil # 024701497

• Respondent (Craig) not allowed to contact, harass, communicate with me.
• He was ordered to stay out of our house (he moved out for this period)
• He was ordered to stay away from our coffee shop
• I was granted temporary custody of the children, giving him standard visitation only.
• He was not allowed to take the boys out of State.
• Hearing set for Sept 18th

I hope this post wasn’t too confusing. As you can imagine, it’s hard to remember exact dates etc so I am going through piles and pile of notes.

As you will find out in future posts, the INS dropped the ball MANY times and if they had followed through ONCE, then that innocent man would still be alive today, and a lot of pain and anguish would have been avoided.

# 14 Craigs first wife.

#14

Today I am going to backtrack a bit and tell you about Craig’s first wife, Laura (names have been changed) and how our lives entangled for a while, and how her story is so similar to mine, it’s almost surreal to read. The reason I am putting this in here is because Laura and I are  friends (we call ourselves the Ex wives club), and even though I thought I knew a lot about their marriage and how it ended (since we were all friends and then Craig and I became close after my marriage ended), when I read her email to me last week, I was shocked at how much I didn’t know, and how deceiving Craig was to us both, and basically played us at the same time, but in different ways. Neither of us had any idea until I started writing my blog and we started sharing stories. I have put her entire email into the Level 2 content on Patreon, so if you want to read it you can bump up a level to read it. I have a lot of “extra” stuff going into the higher levels, obviously because they are paying for my time to do it.

*** 07/05/2019 UPDATE *** Since I no longer have the Patreon thing going, I will get this stuff over here for everyone to see. I am working on uploading this to You Tube, including the audio tapes.

Craig and Laura met in the Missionary Training Center in 1987, developed a relationship throughout their mission period and once they were home they dated and married a few months later. They served their missions in different States and one day he called her!. She has no idea how he tracked her down or how he paid for the long distance calls, as in those days people didn’t carry cell phones everywhere. We had pagers. But the missionaries had very specific instructions to have no phone contact with anyone at home, or outside of your mission field, especially if it was someone of the opposite sex. Laura felt guilty about the phone calls and tried to keep the conversations more about their mission work. But as time went on she noticed how flattered she felt and feelings were developing. Then one day while she and her companion were at a health club working out, Craig walked in! She was in Reno, NV and he was supposed to be in Spokane, WA. Another rule for missionaries is to keep within a specific number of miles on your leased vehicle. It was meant to be used for visiting people locally that you were trying to convert and members in your area. But Craig managed to borrow a car from someone (probably a girl who had a crush on him and would do anything for him) and Craig and his companion drove from Washington down to Nevada to visit Laura. They didn’t stay long, I don’t believe, and when they left Laura felt so guilty that she reported it to her Mission President. She was concerned about betraying Craig because she knew it would get him into a lot of trouble, if not sent home from his mission, but at the same time her own conscience wouldn’t allow her to keep it to herself. Turned out that Craig's Mission President was already aware of the “missing missionaries” and that they had obviously gone road tripping. The strange part is he suffered no consequences for this trip, in fact, they stopped by a few dams along the way and did some diving and swimming, because they figured they were obviously going to pay a price regardless, so they might as well enjoy it. But no punishment landed on them and they went back to work once they arrived back into Spokane. That in itself is strange, but shows how manipulative Craig could be when he needed to be. I can’t imagine what he told the Mission President, but it obviously worked.

While I was married to Craig I heard about this road trip, but didn’t know it was to visit Laura. He merely told me that he and his companion took a road trip. That companion became a good friend of Craigs and so I got to know him too and to this day consider him a friend of mine.

In Blog #3 I wrote about how Craig and I rekindled our relationship, so I don’t really need to go over that again, but I want to give you some excerpts from Laura's email so that you can see how similar her experience was

LAURA talking about her marriage to Craig: “ As time went on Craig began to get depressed because I was the one with the real job, he had odd hours and we had a menagerie of critters; hamsters, rabbits, fish, a cat and a dog at one point, so he had fun taking care of them and building them cool cages and such.  Things got less fun as time went on.  He had some dark depressive episodes but I knew nothing of depression in those days so I just thought he was having trouble figuring out what to do for school or a career.”

My note: She then describes how he “trained” a puppy they had, in an inhumane manner, which leaves you with an eery feeling. But that part I’m leaving out of this post.

LAURA “One time we were at the bank and I disagreed with him on something out loud and in public.  When we got out of the bank he freaked out and screamed at me for disobeying him in front of other people.  I couldn’t believe he would act this way and be this upset over I can’t even remember what we disagreed about.”

Then she describes an incident that really hurt her, which actually involved me, and Craig got very angry at her for being upset. He was clearly flirting with me in a way that was not appropriate for a married man, and when it hurt Laura….Craig became very angry at her! Does that sound familiar?

Then Laura discovered she was pregnant and Craig was very angry about that.

She continues….

“Somewhere in this timeframe there was some physical violence.  He got me in a chokehold one time during the pregnancy and I told him he had to move out in order to protect the baby.”

Do you remember how he attacked me physically while I was 8 months pregnant?

“Eve was my friend and I stood by her during her marital troubles and eventual divorce so I could understand her hanging around with Craig since they were friends from before but now this was getting out of hand and he would yell at me when I expressed opposition to them spending time together.  He would set me up in things and then expect me to not complain and tell me that is how I will learn to trust him.”

This blows my mind how similar our lives were…..

She then goes on to tell how Craig used their baby as a way of getting what he wanted. He would threaten her and try to control her, but Laura stayed strong.

LAURA:  “My insert here is to show how the pattern of behavior weaves its way from flattery and wooing to isolating and accusing and intimidating the intended victim.  I’m not sure if people like this go into a relationship with dominance in mind or if they are just so insecure and paranoid that they feel they must control and manipulate everything around them.  I’d like to believe that he had real feelings for me and that it developed into marital love.  I’m not sure anymore since I began reading this blog because I see that he followed much the same pattern with Eve that he did with me.”

Laura and I had breakfast yesterday (Saturday 11/19/2016) and reminisced for 3 hours about our history. It astounds both of us to see how parallel our lives were, and yet we only figured it out now. There was one other friend who joined us yesterday, and she (and her husband) was part of our group 20 + years ago, and her husband and Craig were friends to the day he was arrested. This guy was involved in some of Craigs illegal dealings, and it is CRAZY to sit and talk about the different sides to all these stories. A book is for sure going to come out, as there is SO MUCH that needs to be shared.

It’s late and I have a big day tomorrow.

There is still SO much for me to give you, so hang in there!!

I love you, and keep love in your heart forever!!

#13 Domestic Violence

#13 Domestic Violence

I want to talk a little about Domestic Violence tonight, after reading through my journal entries and paperwork from 2002. I was always afraid of Craigs reaction to another protective order being filed against him. Turns out I am not the only woman who feels, or felt, that way. I read that “Victims are hesitant about reporting their abuse, for fear of retribution”. This is a real fear. The type of person who perpetrates against another in this sort of violence, does not fare well with police and court interference. It turned Craig into a BEAR. I would almost rather risk not having the order in place because it would keep him calmer. I definitely felt more unsafe when he felt threatened by a protective order.

The most dangerous time for a woman is the 2 years following a divorce. Why? Because now the “ex husband” feels he has lost everything and has nothing more to lose, the final step is to kill her. Unfortunately I heard this exact threat from Craig too many times. He told me over and over again that he had nothing to lose, that I had taken everything from him and now I had to sleep in the bed I had made. Some of these memories have been made very vivid again because I have 5 + hours of audio recordings that Craig had recorded in 2002/2003. For some reason he had tape recorders everywhere, attached to all his phones, in his pocket that he would pull out and push into my face in the middle of an argument, and then he had cameras set up in the house, that I was unaware of, until after he was arrested. While I was cleaning out the house I came across a drawer full of audio tapes with names and dates written on them. The phone conversations were not all with me. I found a tape recording of him and Tamara (the woman whose ex husband was killed) where they were talking about getting rich after the “loan” and living like kings on an island. That is also when I discovered he had set up a camera recording over our driveway and in our bedroom under the headboard of the bed. These cameras were hooked up to 90 hour recording devices. He was convinced I was cheating on him, and he was going to prove it. Except, I wasn’t cheating. So all this was for nill. Or was it? Now instead of recordings of me cheating on him, we have proof of the obsessive life he was leading.

Domestic Violence comes in many forms. Long term stalking, denial of financial resources and manipulation of the family court system, when the children are regularly forced to spend unsupervised time with the man who beat their mother. Craig would not keep to a visitation schedule. His theory was if I knew it was his weekend to have the kids, then I would make plans to go out and date and be wild. So he would randomly choose not to show up. The kids would be expecting him and ask me all night long if he was coming to get them. He wouldn’t answer his phone until after 10pm. Then when it was my weekend to have the kids, he would show up on Friday night and want to take them. This way I would never be able to make plans. He says this on tape. It’s all about control. He admitted to it on tape, which I now have on my table in front of me.

Did you know that 1 in 3 women experience some form of domestic violence in their lives, and 1 in 7 men? In fact, I have heard those stats are outdated, and now 1 in 4 men experience domestic violence, as the victim. Next time you are standing in the grocery store, or at the gym, look around you and consider how many people around you could be suffering through some form of domestic violence in their lives.

So tonight I just wanted to give this space to the recognition of domestic violence. It can only thrive in silence, so we need to put a spotlight on it and not allow it to breed in our families, friends and neighborhoods. This needs to be something that women, and men, feel safe to bring awareness to, and not hide it like most of us do.

My goal is to bring ALL of this out. I want every woman on the planet to recognize what is not a normal, healthy relationship, and when to seek help. My next update includes how Craig tried to control the 2 women at the Office for Victims Advocates to drop the protective order, and then when he thought they had (which they pretended to do to calm him down) he told them to reinstate it. All in 24 hours. He honestly became obsessed with controlling everyone and everything around him.

So THANK YOU for all the support. This has become a lot bigger than I ever imagined, which makes me realize how many people identify with what I am saying. This is not a story, this is real life.

I don’t like to refer to myself as a victim, but rather a survivor.

Thanks again for all the love and incredible support,

Eve

#12 (the other man, and the first protective order).

# 12 (the other man, and the first protective order)

One of my new customers in my coffee shop would come in every single day and get his same latte, and then sit down with his laptop and stay for an hour or so. My coffee shop was an internet cafe (which back in the day was scarce) so he was coming in and using our internet. Wil would see him pull up in the parking lot and would start making his coffee for him, so that it was ready by the time he walked up to the counter. Wil was awesome at this. He recognized our customers pulling up and would have their coffee, exactly the way they wanted it, ready for them when they walked in. He is fabulous!

We will call this customer Michael. We got to know him well and every time he came in, I would make an effort to come chat to him. Over time Craig got to know him too and soon they were good buddies and playing racquetball in the mornings before coffee time. I was happy that Craig had made a friend that was not female.

Then one day Craig told me that Michael was coming over for dinner. When Michael arrived he had his swimsuit in his hands. Craig had told him we had a hot tub and to bring his suit.

While we were eating dinner something hit me. I realized this whole thing was a plan of Craig's. I took him to the bedroom and asked him what was going on. He said he had been “working” on Michael because he realized it was unfair that he was bringing a woman into our bedroom and that it was time for me to have 2 men. I nearly died. I told him absolutely not. I was NOT going there. As much as I liked Michael as a person, I was not interested in having a physical relationship with him at all. But once Craig had a flea in his ear, there was no going back.

After dinner the 3 of us got in the hot tub. I don’t know how to explain how impossible it was to say no to Craig. I am sure some of you are saying…..just say no. If I thought for a minute I could get away with it, I would have…..but by this point I was giving up. I was on autopilot and didn’t have any fight left in me. It was easier just to do what I was told, than to try and fight it.

These are very personal notes, and if they offend you then please skip the next paragraph. I am opening up and putting all my memories into words and keeping emotion out of it. This may sound emotionless…..but that is how my memories are saved. This whole blog has taken a very physical toll on my body and I have never been so sick in my life. The strep was just the start of constant physical ailments, but I’m told it’s my body purging. So I have to barge through.

Next thing Michael and I are in the shower, Craig is standing outside of the shower encouraging us to do what he wants to see through the glass doors. Michael was shaking like a leaf, and I must have looked like a statue. I certainly felt like one.

We went to bed and after a few hours Michael went home. Even he realized at that point, that he and I were puppets in Craig's game. The next day he told me he was very uncomfortable with what had taken place and that he never wanted to do that again. He also said that I needed to get out of that relationship as he saw signs of emotional abuse that really bothered him and he was concerned about what was going on in my home. I told him I felt trapped and didn’t know who Craig was anymore. Michael said he was scared for his own life, and more concerned for me. He told me I needed to make a plan to get out.

Michael would call to check on me everyday and knew that it was not safe to call me on my cell phone as Craig was keeping a close eye on every call I received or made. So he called me on my shop phone. Apparently Craig saw that coming, or figured it out, because one day while I was in my office I noticed a wire I had not seen before. I followed it and found it was connected to my phone and to a tape recorder.

I traced the wire and found the recorder. Craig had set it up to record all my conversations. Except this one backfired on him. When I played it back I discovered a conversation between Craig and Liz! He had called her from my office earlier that day, and either forgot he had set up this recorder (which I doubt)….or maybe he thought I would not find it. During this conversation she referred to me as “the gatekeeper” and the conversation was very sexy and sultry and it was very clear they had been seeing each other behind my back. I was shocked, but not really. I knew this all along, but this made it very real. So I called Craig and confronted him about the recorder. He said he “knew” Michael and I were cheating behind his back and he was going to prove it with that recorder. I told him about the conversation I had heard between him and Liz. What I didn’t realize is that while I was speaking to Craig (on his cell phone), he was driving over to the coffee shop. As soon as he realized what I had in my hands he jumped in his car and headed over to the shop. When he arrived he skidded the car right up by my office window. My instinct was to run. I grabbed the tape and ran out the back door. He chased after me around the back of the building and quickly caught up with me, slamming me up against the concrete wall. I was knocked out for a few seconds and when I came to, I was lying on the ground, bleeding from my mouth, and had a gash on my face from hitting the concrete wall. Craig was gone, and so was the tape. I walked back to my car but discovered Craig had taken it, along with the keys to his car. I couldn’t go back into my shop in that state, so I walked to the Kaysville police station which was about 3 blocks away. They took photographs and a report and they helped me file a protective order. This was the first of several. I knew that Craig was walking on thin ice with the INS. I knew that a protective order could get him deported and my boys would lose their dad. I knew all of this. But so did he. I couldn’t protect him anymore.

I didn’t want to go home. I checked myself into a hotel and called the boys and told them I wasn’t going to be home that night. They had no idea about what was going on and I didn’t want them to know.

That’s it for this episode. It has been harder than I expected to recall these memories, but one day at a time they will come out. There is still so much, I don’t think we are halfway yet.

Thanks again for following, until next time, Keep love in your heart!!