# 15 INS (Immigration and Naturalization Services)

I’ve been going through all my planners, notes and old memories and trying to get everything in a timeline so that I don’t keep bouncing back and forth.

Blog # 13 I talked about Craig chasing me behind our coffee shop and throwing me against the wall, that happened May 15th 2002.

It’s important to tell you about the INS and how they were “following up” with Craig after they had released him from CO. I found the paper they gave him when they released him. I rewrote the exact release letter and have put it on my Patreon website. He was instructed to report to Officer Gaye at the beginning of every month. Officer Chase asked him to bring his passport in, but he never did. Here are the notes that the INS wrote on his form at each visit. The INS notes are italicized.

07/02/2001

Craig reported as directed. He was instructed to bring in his Picture ID , Passport and Birth certificate to the next visit on Sept 4, 2001

09/04/2001

Craig reported as directed, next time must bring his picture ID, passport and birth certificate on Nov 1st, 2001

11/01/2001

Telephone interview. Next date to report is  May 1, 2002. Officer Chase

05/01/2002

Craig appeared as directed to the INS. Next report is July 1, 2002  Signed by Officer Gaye

Then the assault happened on 05/15/2002 behind the coffee shop.

*** Craig had been specifically instructed by the INS to stay out of trouble. They had told him that ANY violation would have him arrested and deported. The Victims Advocate that I was working with had contacted the INS and informed them that Craig had received an assault charge and that his pretrial was set for July 16, 2002.

The INS contacted me and told me that they would be at the hearing and Craig would be arrested.

07/01/2002 Craig appeared as directed to the INS. Next report is October 2002

07/16/2002 PRETRIAL

At this hearing Craig plead to a Plea and Abeyance to Domestic assault and was sentenced to 18 months probation. Fine $365. No other violations to be committed. That was it.

Then one day I was working in the coffee shop and Craig arrived really mad at me about something. I can’t even remember what it was. He was following me around the store yelling in my ear, so I got my keys and got into my car and locked the doors. As I was reversing out of my spot Craig punched the car window and broke it. I drove straight to the police station again and they went to the coffee shop and “arrested and released” Craig on the spot. What the heck that is about, I will never know. He received an arrest citation to appear in court. But now his MOTHER was mad at me. I will never forget how she slammed her fist on the counter and said “Eve, what are you thinking? Don’t you know you are going to get him deported?” I remember standing there, looking at her with tears pouring down my face, wondering if I should tell her what a mad man her son was, or if I should just let her find out for herself. So I walked away. I didn’t want to tell his mother how terribly he had been behaving, and how he had destroyed our marriage. Maybe I was scared of his retaliation. I don’t remember. But I didn’t say anything to her.

So by now Craig was really getting angry with me. He knew the INS were on to him, although they didn’t show up at his pretrial, but he knew he was walking on thin ice and it was ALL MY FAULT!

During this time I moved into one of our guest bedrooms. I wanted to move out, but had nowhere to go. One night Craig came into my room and woke me up, shoved a tape recorder in my face  and he promised to destroy my father and my brother if I tried to take his children away from him. I took him very seriously. I don’t know if the tape recorder made me think the promise was real, but I totally believed he would do that if I tried to have him deported.

Also at this time, my cousin had flown out from South Africa and was visiting with us. She called me the other day after reading my blog, and was horrified because she realized that all of this was going on while she was here, and she had no idea. I told NO ONE. I was terrified that Craig would go through with his threats if I started telling my family.

My cousin told me, on the call the other day, that she remembers one night we had gone out to dinner or something and I had asked them not to tell Craig we had gone out. He was extremely neurotic, insecure and possessive and if he had found out we had gone out he would assume I had told them everything. So everyone agreed that they wouldn’t tell Craig that we had gone out, although they didn’t understand exactly why I was hiding it. The next day, Craig cornered my cousin in our living room and interrogated her about the night before, and she said he was very demanding of all the facts. I did not know he did this to her until just a few days ago when she called me.

I have also been receiving a lot of phone calls and emails from people in South Africa who grew up with Craig, and each one of them has a similar horror story. If only I had known all that before I married him….

08/2002

We found another counselor. Her name was Shondell. She worked out of her home which was just a few minutes away from ours, so it was convenient, and she came highly recommended.

She was more experienced in this type of behaviour, but told me during a one on one session with her that we were the worst case she had ever seen. We had sessions with both of us together and then she would see us individually. When we were there together she kept her house phone right next to her. She told me she never knew with Craig when she might need to call for help.

08/29/2002  Craig was summonsed with a temporary Protective Order.

Ex Parte (Temporary) Protective Order Davis County Civil # 024701497

• Respondent (Craig) not allowed to contact, harass, communicate with me.
• He was ordered to stay out of our house (he moved out for this period)
• He was ordered to stay away from our coffee shop
• I was granted temporary custody of the children, giving him standard visitation only.
• He was not allowed to take the boys out of State.
• Hearing set for Sept 18th

I hope this post wasn’t too confusing. As you can imagine, it’s hard to remember exact dates etc so I am going through piles and pile of notes.

As you will find out in future posts, the INS dropped the ball MANY times and if they had followed through ONCE, then that innocent man would still be alive today, and a lot of pain and anguish would have been avoided.

# 14 Craigs first wife.

#14

Today I am going to backtrack a bit and tell you about Craig’s first wife, Laura (names have been changed) and how our lives entangled for a while, and how her story is so similar to mine, it’s almost surreal to read. The reason I am putting this in here is because Laura and I are  friends (we call ourselves the Ex wives club), and even though I thought I knew a lot about their marriage and how it ended (since we were all friends and then Craig and I became close after my marriage ended), when I read her email to me last week, I was shocked at how much I didn’t know, and how deceiving Craig was to us both, and basically played us at the same time, but in different ways. Neither of us had any idea until I started writing my blog and we started sharing stories. I have put her entire email into the Level 2 content on Patreon, so if you want to read it you can bump up a level to read it. I have a lot of “extra” stuff going into the higher levels, obviously because they are paying for my time to do it.

*** 07/05/2019 UPDATE *** Since I no longer have the Patreon thing going, I will get this stuff over here for everyone to see. I am working on uploading this to You Tube, including the audio tapes.

Craig and Laura met in the Missionary Training Center in 1987, developed a relationship throughout their mission period and once they were home they dated and married a few months later. They served their missions in different States and one day he called her!. She has no idea how he tracked her down or how he paid for the long distance calls, as in those days people didn’t carry cell phones everywhere. We had pagers. But the missionaries had very specific instructions to have no phone contact with anyone at home, or outside of your mission field, especially if it was someone of the opposite sex. Laura felt guilty about the phone calls and tried to keep the conversations more about their mission work. But as time went on she noticed how flattered she felt and feelings were developing. Then one day while she and her companion were at a health club working out, Craig walked in! She was in Reno, NV and he was supposed to be in Spokane, WA. Another rule for missionaries is to keep within a specific number of miles on your leased vehicle. It was meant to be used for visiting people locally that you were trying to convert and members in your area. But Craig managed to borrow a car from someone (probably a girl who had a crush on him and would do anything for him) and Craig and his companion drove from Washington down to Nevada to visit Laura. They didn’t stay long, I don’t believe, and when they left Laura felt so guilty that she reported it to her Mission President. She was concerned about betraying Craig because she knew it would get him into a lot of trouble, if not sent home from his mission, but at the same time her own conscience wouldn’t allow her to keep it to herself. Turned out that Craig's Mission President was already aware of the “missing missionaries” and that they had obviously gone road tripping. The strange part is he suffered no consequences for this trip, in fact, they stopped by a few dams along the way and did some diving and swimming, because they figured they were obviously going to pay a price regardless, so they might as well enjoy it. But no punishment landed on them and they went back to work once they arrived back into Spokane. That in itself is strange, but shows how manipulative Craig could be when he needed to be. I can’t imagine what he told the Mission President, but it obviously worked.

While I was married to Craig I heard about this road trip, but didn’t know it was to visit Laura. He merely told me that he and his companion took a road trip. That companion became a good friend of Craigs and so I got to know him too and to this day consider him a friend of mine.

In Blog #3 I wrote about how Craig and I rekindled our relationship, so I don’t really need to go over that again, but I want to give you some excerpts from Laura's email so that you can see how similar her experience was

LAURA talking about her marriage to Craig: “ As time went on Craig began to get depressed because I was the one with the real job, he had odd hours and we had a menagerie of critters; hamsters, rabbits, fish, a cat and a dog at one point, so he had fun taking care of them and building them cool cages and such.  Things got less fun as time went on.  He had some dark depressive episodes but I knew nothing of depression in those days so I just thought he was having trouble figuring out what to do for school or a career.”

My note: She then describes how he “trained” a puppy they had, in an inhumane manner, which leaves you with an eery feeling. But that part I’m leaving out of this post.

LAURA “One time we were at the bank and I disagreed with him on something out loud and in public.  When we got out of the bank he freaked out and screamed at me for disobeying him in front of other people.  I couldn’t believe he would act this way and be this upset over I can’t even remember what we disagreed about.”

Then she describes an incident that really hurt her, which actually involved me, and Craig got very angry at her for being upset. He was clearly flirting with me in a way that was not appropriate for a married man, and when it hurt Laura….Craig became very angry at her! Does that sound familiar?

Then Laura discovered she was pregnant and Craig was very angry about that.

She continues….

“Somewhere in this timeframe there was some physical violence.  He got me in a chokehold one time during the pregnancy and I told him he had to move out in order to protect the baby.”

Do you remember how he attacked me physically while I was 8 months pregnant?

“Eve was my friend and I stood by her during her marital troubles and eventual divorce so I could understand her hanging around with Craig since they were friends from before but now this was getting out of hand and he would yell at me when I expressed opposition to them spending time together.  He would set me up in things and then expect me to not complain and tell me that is how I will learn to trust him.”

This blows my mind how similar our lives were…..

She then goes on to tell how Craig used their baby as a way of getting what he wanted. He would threaten her and try to control her, but Laura stayed strong.

LAURA:  “My insert here is to show how the pattern of behavior weaves its way from flattery and wooing to isolating and accusing and intimidating the intended victim.  I’m not sure if people like this go into a relationship with dominance in mind or if they are just so insecure and paranoid that they feel they must control and manipulate everything around them.  I’d like to believe that he had real feelings for me and that it developed into marital love.  I’m not sure anymore since I began reading this blog because I see that he followed much the same pattern with Eve that he did with me.”

Laura and I had breakfast yesterday (Saturday 11/19/2016) and reminisced for 3 hours about our history. It astounds both of us to see how parallel our lives were, and yet we only figured it out now. There was one other friend who joined us yesterday, and she (and her husband) was part of our group 20 + years ago, and her husband and Craig were friends to the day he was arrested. This guy was involved in some of Craigs illegal dealings, and it is CRAZY to sit and talk about the different sides to all these stories. A book is for sure going to come out, as there is SO MUCH that needs to be shared.

It’s late and I have a big day tomorrow.

There is still SO much for me to give you, so hang in there!!

I love you, and keep love in your heart forever!!

#13 Domestic Violence

#13 Domestic Violence

I want to talk a little about Domestic Violence tonight, after reading through my journal entries and paperwork from 2002. I was always afraid of Craigs reaction to another protective order being filed against him. Turns out I am not the only woman who feels, or felt, that way. I read that “Victims are hesitant about reporting their abuse, for fear of retribution”. This is a real fear. The type of person who perpetrates against another in this sort of violence, does not fare well with police and court interference. It turned Craig into a BEAR. I would almost rather risk not having the order in place because it would keep him calmer. I definitely felt more unsafe when he felt threatened by a protective order.

The most dangerous time for a woman is the 2 years following a divorce. Why? Because now the “ex husband” feels he has lost everything and has nothing more to lose, the final step is to kill her. Unfortunately I heard this exact threat from Craig too many times. He told me over and over again that he had nothing to lose, that I had taken everything from him and now I had to sleep in the bed I had made. Some of these memories have been made very vivid again because I have 5 + hours of audio recordings that Craig had recorded in 2002/2003. For some reason he had tape recorders everywhere, attached to all his phones, in his pocket that he would pull out and push into my face in the middle of an argument, and then he had cameras set up in the house, that I was unaware of, until after he was arrested. While I was cleaning out the house I came across a drawer full of audio tapes with names and dates written on them. The phone conversations were not all with me. I found a tape recording of him and Tamara (the woman whose ex husband was killed) where they were talking about getting rich after the “loan” and living like kings on an island. That is also when I discovered he had set up a camera recording over our driveway and in our bedroom under the headboard of the bed. These cameras were hooked up to 90 hour recording devices. He was convinced I was cheating on him, and he was going to prove it. Except, I wasn’t cheating. So all this was for nill. Or was it? Now instead of recordings of me cheating on him, we have proof of the obsessive life he was leading.

Domestic Violence comes in many forms. Long term stalking, denial of financial resources and manipulation of the family court system, when the children are regularly forced to spend unsupervised time with the man who beat their mother. Craig would not keep to a visitation schedule. His theory was if I knew it was his weekend to have the kids, then I would make plans to go out and date and be wild. So he would randomly choose not to show up. The kids would be expecting him and ask me all night long if he was coming to get them. He wouldn’t answer his phone until after 10pm. Then when it was my weekend to have the kids, he would show up on Friday night and want to take them. This way I would never be able to make plans. He says this on tape. It’s all about control. He admitted to it on tape, which I now have on my table in front of me.

Did you know that 1 in 3 women experience some form of domestic violence in their lives, and 1 in 7 men? In fact, I have heard those stats are outdated, and now 1 in 4 men experience domestic violence, as the victim. Next time you are standing in the grocery store, or at the gym, look around you and consider how many people around you could be suffering through some form of domestic violence in their lives.

So tonight I just wanted to give this space to the recognition of domestic violence. It can only thrive in silence, so we need to put a spotlight on it and not allow it to breed in our families, friends and neighborhoods. This needs to be something that women, and men, feel safe to bring awareness to, and not hide it like most of us do.

My goal is to bring ALL of this out. I want every woman on the planet to recognize what is not a normal, healthy relationship, and when to seek help. My next update includes how Craig tried to control the 2 women at the Office for Victims Advocates to drop the protective order, and then when he thought they had (which they pretended to do to calm him down) he told them to reinstate it. All in 24 hours. He honestly became obsessed with controlling everyone and everything around him.

So THANK YOU for all the support. This has become a lot bigger than I ever imagined, which makes me realize how many people identify with what I am saying. This is not a story, this is real life.

I don’t like to refer to myself as a victim, but rather a survivor.

Thanks again for all the love and incredible support,

Eve

#12 (the other man, and the first protective order).

# 12 (the other man, and the first protective order)

One of my new customers in my coffee shop would come in every single day and get his same latte, and then sit down with his laptop and stay for an hour or so. My coffee shop was an internet cafe (which back in the day was scarce) so he was coming in and using our internet. Wil would see him pull up in the parking lot and would start making his coffee for him, so that it was ready by the time he walked up to the counter. Wil was awesome at this. He recognized our customers pulling up and would have their coffee, exactly the way they wanted it, ready for them when they walked in. He is fabulous!

We will call this customer Michael. We got to know him well and every time he came in, I would make an effort to come chat to him. Over time Craig got to know him too and soon they were good buddies and playing racquetball in the mornings before coffee time. I was happy that Craig had made a friend that was not female.

Then one day Craig told me that Michael was coming over for dinner. When Michael arrived he had his swimsuit in his hands. Craig had told him we had a hot tub and to bring his suit.

While we were eating dinner something hit me. I realized this whole thing was a plan of Craig's. I took him to the bedroom and asked him what was going on. He said he had been “working” on Michael because he realized it was unfair that he was bringing a woman into our bedroom and that it was time for me to have 2 men. I nearly died. I told him absolutely not. I was NOT going there. As much as I liked Michael as a person, I was not interested in having a physical relationship with him at all. But once Craig had a flea in his ear, there was no going back.

After dinner the 3 of us got in the hot tub. I don’t know how to explain how impossible it was to say no to Craig. I am sure some of you are saying…..just say no. If I thought for a minute I could get away with it, I would have…..but by this point I was giving up. I was on autopilot and didn’t have any fight left in me. It was easier just to do what I was told, than to try and fight it.

These are very personal notes, and if they offend you then please skip the next paragraph. I am opening up and putting all my memories into words and keeping emotion out of it. This may sound emotionless…..but that is how my memories are saved. This whole blog has taken a very physical toll on my body and I have never been so sick in my life. The strep was just the start of constant physical ailments, but I’m told it’s my body purging. So I have to barge through.

Next thing Michael and I are in the shower, Craig is standing outside of the shower encouraging us to do what he wants to see through the glass doors. Michael was shaking like a leaf, and I must have looked like a statue. I certainly felt like one.

We went to bed and after a few hours Michael went home. Even he realized at that point, that he and I were puppets in Craig's game. The next day he told me he was very uncomfortable with what had taken place and that he never wanted to do that again. He also said that I needed to get out of that relationship as he saw signs of emotional abuse that really bothered him and he was concerned about what was going on in my home. I told him I felt trapped and didn’t know who Craig was anymore. Michael said he was scared for his own life, and more concerned for me. He told me I needed to make a plan to get out.

Michael would call to check on me everyday and knew that it was not safe to call me on my cell phone as Craig was keeping a close eye on every call I received or made. So he called me on my shop phone. Apparently Craig saw that coming, or figured it out, because one day while I was in my office I noticed a wire I had not seen before. I followed it and found it was connected to my phone and to a tape recorder.

I traced the wire and found the recorder. Craig had set it up to record all my conversations. Except this one backfired on him. When I played it back I discovered a conversation between Craig and Liz! He had called her from my office earlier that day, and either forgot he had set up this recorder (which I doubt)….or maybe he thought I would not find it. During this conversation she referred to me as “the gatekeeper” and the conversation was very sexy and sultry and it was very clear they had been seeing each other behind my back. I was shocked, but not really. I knew this all along, but this made it very real. So I called Craig and confronted him about the recorder. He said he “knew” Michael and I were cheating behind his back and he was going to prove it with that recorder. I told him about the conversation I had heard between him and Liz. What I didn’t realize is that while I was speaking to Craig (on his cell phone), he was driving over to the coffee shop. As soon as he realized what I had in my hands he jumped in his car and headed over to the shop. When he arrived he skidded the car right up by my office window. My instinct was to run. I grabbed the tape and ran out the back door. He chased after me around the back of the building and quickly caught up with me, slamming me up against the concrete wall. I was knocked out for a few seconds and when I came to, I was lying on the ground, bleeding from my mouth, and had a gash on my face from hitting the concrete wall. Craig was gone, and so was the tape. I walked back to my car but discovered Craig had taken it, along with the keys to his car. I couldn’t go back into my shop in that state, so I walked to the Kaysville police station which was about 3 blocks away. They took photographs and a report and they helped me file a protective order. This was the first of several. I knew that Craig was walking on thin ice with the INS. I knew that a protective order could get him deported and my boys would lose their dad. I knew all of this. But so did he. I couldn’t protect him anymore.

I didn’t want to go home. I checked myself into a hotel and called the boys and told them I wasn’t going to be home that night. They had no idea about what was going on and I didn’t want them to know.

That’s it for this episode. It has been harder than I expected to recall these memories, but one day at a time they will come out. There is still so much, I don’t think we are halfway yet.

Thanks again for following, until next time, Keep love in your heart!!

#11 More fights, affairs and a trespass order.

Blog # 11

I don’t want to bore you with journal notes, but these last few will show you Craigs state of mind during the last couple months he was awaiting deportation. His attorney had prepared both Craig and I for the inevitable, so he was dealing with the stress of never seeing his family in the US again, and I was dealing with raising the boys on my own after their Dad is deported to another country.

Journal

Fri 04-20-2001

Craig got mad at me on the phone again today. He says I’m not loving and affectionate enough, then he hung up on me.

I left work at 2:30pm very distressed and upset. He attacks me on almost every phone call. I can’t take it any more. He is upset because I told him I was going to dinner with Kathy (my sister) tonight.

Then Kathy called and was running late, so we met up at 8:30pm. She had been in an argument with her husband and needed to vent, so we chatted and hung out until midnight. Honestly, I needed the time away from the phone too. After I got home Craig called me at 1am. He was very mad that my cell phone was off, I told him I was in bed already. We had another big fight, I feel like he is always picking on me.

 I don’t remember how he was calling me on my cell phone at this point, but he was.

Sat 04-21-2001

Craig called me and we got into another big fight. He says I am not being affectionate enough again. It seems every phone call is about me not being supportive enough of him. That is all we discuss anymore.

Sun 04-22-2001

Craig called me at 10am. After I answered Hello he immediately said it sounded like I didn’t want to talk to him. I was flabbergasted! He is so sensitive and emotional, which is understandable, but I don’t know how to deal with it. He is irrational and illogical.

He called me again later while I was at Denny's with Mom, Kathy and the kids. For the entire 30 minutes of the call, I was defending myself from all his accusations. I told him I was in a restaurant with my Mom, Kathy and the kids but he just kept on yelling. I had to sit there and take attack after attack about how unsupportive I am and how I don’t care about him, and how unaffectionate I am. I started shaking with anxiety again. He pushes and pushes, it is so difficult. He interrogates everything I say and tries to trick me into saying something conflicting. SO frustrating!! He is threatening to call my Mom! Why?? She would not be able to handle his anger, threats and attacks.Why would he want to involve my mother? I didn’t ever call his mom when he CHEATED on me, why does he want to involve my mother??

On a side note, my family still had no idea how bad our relationship had become. I just told them Craig was stressed and hurt and scared of losing his family, but I didn’t ever tell them how bad things were. Somehow I felt like that would be deceiving him, and it wasn’t right to do that to him.

Friday 04-27-2001

Craig and I had another big fight today. I had mentioned to him I was getting a lot of unknown numbers calling on my cell phone, and he said that meant I have a boyfriend!! What?? How does he come up with this ridiculous stuff?? I exploded. I totally blew up at him.

END OF JOURNAL NOTES

For some reason, I didn’t write in my planner for the whole month of May. Maybe I was writing somewhere else, but I don’t know where.

HOME FROM CO

In June, I received a phone call from Craig. He was at the Salt Lake Airport. He had been suddenly released. The INS had said they couldn’t find another country to accept him, and they had already accepted the Political Asylum plea for South Africa, so they decided to send him back home. They told him to stay out of trouble, basically not to so much as spit on the sidewalk, and if he stayed out of trouble he would stay under the radar and be ok. He had been given another chance!! I think this was the second one I knew of. No prison time for the felonies, and now escaping deportation.

But now my hell was about to start.

Once Craig was back home I quickly realized he was a very different person than who I knew before he went to CO. He was much more demanding and insecure. I knew that he had suffered a very traumatic event and so I did everything I could to keep him happy. We went to a see a counselor, that Craig had chosen, and that counselor diagnosed Craig with possible bipolar disorder, triggered by a traumatic experience, almost immediately. He asked Craig to take some blood tests etc but Craig refused. He also refused to take any medication, stating that he wouldn’t take anything “to make Eve feel better”. Craig would argue with him until he had no more answers. (Something I was very familiar with). This counselor was clearly scared of Craig and finally he refused us coming back to see him because we were not following his counsel. Craig called him a wimp (he used much worse profanity) with no back bone, yelled at him and marched out of his office.

Craig went back to massaging his same clients, including Bruce and Liz. He talked Bruce into funding a coffee shop for me because I had always dreamed of running my own coffee shop. Bruce trusted Craig like a son and gave him anything he asked for. By Feb 2002 Bruce had given us $250K to design, construct and open our coffee shop. He paid for it as it was built, and Craig would take the invoices to Bruce, who would hand Craig a check to cover each invoice as we received it. Everything was put into my name, including the bank account, because of Craigs record. But Craig came and went as he pleased, he didn’t want to be tied down to it, so it worked out well for him this way.

I LOVED that coffee shop! It was my baby and I loved everything about it. It was also a good place to be when I didn’t want to be home with Craig. I would be there from 5am to 8pm almost everyday except Sunday. Wil was 14 and would drive up there at 4:30am to start all the machines and get it ready to open. By 7am he hopped onto his bicycle and rode off to school. After school he would come back and work until we closed and come home with me. Everyday. He was incredible!  The younger boys would come hang out after school, and then go home and Craigs parents would do their homework with them and cook dinner for us. I think I have said this before, but to this day I am SO grateful for all the help we received from them. They ran the boys around to their activities and ran the home without me. I worked really hard in the coffee shop and wanted it to be a successful business.

Unfortunately my relationship with Craig just intensified in the worst way. He became extremely obsessive and possessive and so insecure it drove me crazy. According to cell phone records he called me 70 times a day. Literally every 10 to 15 minutes he had to reach me or he would become furious. I could be serving customers or paying bills or cleaning the ice cream machine….none of that mattered to him. If I loved him, I would want to talk to him all the time and pick up the phone every time he called, and never sound too busy to talk.

During this time Craig brought Liz back into our lives. He told me he had always wanted a threesome and after his 6 months in jail he deserved it. He told me it had nothing to do with love, just the thrill of the game. I was already torn apart. My heart was shattered and my emotions were raw. The last thing in the world I wanted was to deal with another woman in my marriage. I literally remember sitting on the side of our bath tub one day, with tears pouring down my face, begging Craig to just give our marriage a chance. He could not understand it. It was ALL about him. He reminded me that he could cheat on me behind my back, but he didn’t want to do that. He wanted me to be a part of this joyful and exciting experience with him. I never, ever agreed to it, but he made it happen regardless. He was always talking to Liz about business, but I could hear by the sweet, flirtatious way he spoke to her on the phone that he was “working” her. All I could do was tell him I did not want it, I was already very hurt by his previous affairs, and that I would not be able to give him this last thing he asked of me. He made me feel a lot of guilt, he reminded me how terrible his 6 months in jail was and he told me I owed it to him for all the pain he had suffered.

So Liz would arrive at our house, late at night after everyone was in bed, with a bottle of wine. She was always very nice to me and part of me believes that Craig had convinced her I wanted to be part of this game. One thing would lead to another and once we got to the bedroom Craig would have his pleasure with both of us. By the time Liz left, I felt empty and used and very, very lonely. Craig was very happy and excited and could not even see the devastation in my face, let alone feel the pain of what he was doing to me.

This happened a few times. Everytime I begged Craig to stop, we would end up fighting and he would win. It got to the the point where I refused to participate. So Craig made excuses to Liz, for me, that I wasn’t feeling well or something, but I had to sit on the bedroom floor and watch…..and get this….to MAKE LIZ FEEL COMFORTABLE! Apparently she was picking up the vibe that I was not happy and didn’t want to do this, so Craig made me sit and watch to prove to Liz that I was fully supportive. I felt sick to my stomach and the walls around my heart grew very thick.

Then one day Craig didn’t even tell me she was coming over, so when I opened the door and saw her standing there with a bottle of wine, I burst into tears. I couldn’t help myself. She was very shocked and asked me what was wrong. Craig was standing right there and glaring at me, so I lied and told her I was sick and she was welcome to stay, but I was going to go next door to my friends house to lie down. I went over to my best friend next door, (I will call her Olivia for her privacy) and just cried. I told her, and her husband, what was going on and they could not believe it. While I was talking to them, less than 15 minutes, we noticed Liz’s car leave from the front of my house. And then Craig came over to Olivia's house and started pounding on the door. He came in and was SO ANGRY that I had upset Liz and made her feel so bad that she left. Craig was in a rage. So Olivia's husband told Craig to leave a number of times and then ended up calling the police because he would not leave and was raging so much. Craig received a trespass order that night. One of many to follow.

And here we are at 4 pages already!!

As a heads up I will tell you that Craig arrived home from CO in June of 2001. I eventually moved out in June/July of 2002. I will give you the details of the year before I left, and then there is a horrendous year after I left, until he was arrested in July 2003. Then came years of letters of manipulation and more threats.

So you have LOTS more to hear about, and I am busy putting it all together for you everyday.

I also have some pictures I can post of my facebook page so please make sure you are following that too!

Thanks again for your support, Keep love in your heart always!!

Letters to the INS from the children

# 10 More journal entries

Blog # 10
To my awesome followers, THANK YOU!! We have reached 5500 views!!

So when we left off last week, we were in January 2001 getting ready for Craig's hearing/trial at the INS center in Denver. I kept a planner so will give you more notes from those, as we got ready for his hearing.

Once Craig comes back in June 2001 (complete surprise) everything changes and my real hell starts. These journal notes are just giving you a heads up of where his mind is during these 6 months in Denver.

02-05-2001

Journal notes

Why was I the last person he called? I had a lot of information to give him from all the work I was doing on his case, and within a couple minutes of us talking the voice over came on and said “You have one minute left”. He gets 30 minute calls, so I asked him why we only had less than 5 minutes. He said Oh, he tried to call Bruce but got his machine. I am still confused. That would have taken less than 2 minutes. Then he said, Oh and I called Liz, and then I called Dee blah blah. I told him he should have called me first, I have a lot of updates etc to give him. Bruce? Liz? Dee? What are any of them doing to help him right now? I reminded him to call his Mom and say Goodbye, she was going back to South Africa. He had totally forgotten.

He has called me a few more times today but I wasn’t around and couldn’t take his calls. I felt guilty, but also frustrated that he thinks I can be available 24/7 for him.

Sat 0-17-2001

Sunnee had invited me to go to dinner with her and her husband. I had to ask Craig permission, he said I could go, but not to get home late. I ended up not going due to the stress of how long it would take and I didn’t want to be in trouble

Monday 02-19-2001

Craig and I got into another fight about Liz. I am noticing the calls we get are not 30 minutes anymore and it’s because he is calling her. He said he is working on a business deal with her and promised me that is all it is. I told him I can’t handle him getting involved with her personally, and he agreed.

Friday 02-23-2001

I sent off an airborne to Craig with more docs. I was supposed to go with Sunnee to Park City but Craig and I got into a huge fight over it and so I cancelled.

Sunday 02-25-2001

Had a good chat with Craig today. We decided to put all the bad stuff into the past and forget about it. Start fresh and new.

Thur 03-01-2001

I was very depressed today. Craig went into surgery for a hernia and I was worried about him.

I’m just having a really hard time “hanging in there”. I feel like my glue that holds me together is melting fast. I think as the week goes on I get exhausted and the depression sets in more.

I told the boys they could skip school tomorrow so we can all sleep in and hang out together.

Fri 03-02-2001

The boys and I went to Marks Ark and traded in the guinea pigs and a rat. Too many creatures for me to take care of. We did however, come home with a very cute, black kitty cat that we rescued. She is the sweetest little kitten. BTW we just barely had to put this kitty down last month (Oct 2016). She lived with us for 15 years. RIP Kitty Meow, we miss you everyday.

Sun 03-04-2001

Craig is recovering from his surgery and feeling a bit better. They only give him Tylenol 3 so it’s been a painful experience for him.

Liz and I met at 3:30pm to discuss this business deal she is doing with Craig. It would mean we would have to move to Temecula, CA. I don’t want to have to deal with all of this.

Craig didn’t call me tonight.

Tues 03-06-2001

Very depressed today. I don’t want to move to CA to start a business with Liz. We don’t even know if Craig is ever coming home again and I want to stay here where my family are and not go to CA to work with Liz...of all people!! Why is Craig making me do this?

I came home from work and moaned at the kids for not opening any blinds today. The house is all dark and dirty in the middle of the day and it drives me nuts. The kitchen was a mess, the dishwasher was not unpacked and the sink is full of dishes. What do they DO all day??

I spoke to Craig and he said not to worry about the move to CA. That is a big relief. I went to bed early but didn’t fall asleep until after 11pm.

Fri 03-09-2001

Craig got a letter from the INS today saying they are trying to find another country to send him to as the attorney has filed for Political Asylum due to Craigs time he served in the military over there and it would be a threat to his life if he was to be sent back. They said they would review his case in 90 days.

My boys wrote letters to the INS asking them to release their Dad. I have scanned them and will put them on here for you to see. There is one blank page that scanned in but keep scrolling. There is a total of 3 letters as Richie was too young to write a letter.

It appears I am having issues transferring this pdf file into the blog so Wil is going to help me with it tomorrow. The letters are so cute, you will see them. I work all day tomorrow so it might be Thursday when I get them up.

Thanks again, see you soon!!

XOXOXOX